Imagine you’re Ariel, leading a team for the first time.
You’ve been an individual contributor your entire career and you just got that promotion you’ve been working hard for.
Congratulations!
Welcome to being a supervisor…
and to tricky situations like this one involving Monica, your direct report.
What Do I Do with This?
Monica was recently asked, “If you could fix one problem with your team dynamics, what would it be?”
And she quickly responded with one word:
“Favoritism”
Having your team member say something like that can be more than a little unnerving, even for a veteran leader of people.
What makes a situation like this difficult isn’t just what Monica said.
It’s that most leaders don’t actually know what to do with it.
What would you do if you were her?
As you consider your answer, let me give you an even harder question:
What is favoritism, really?
Before I share more about Ariel and Monica, I want to make it perfectly clear that they are NOT real clients. Their names and details of their situations are anonymized to respect their privacy.
However, the reality of their predicament is as real as it gets.
Favoritism Can Take Many Forms
Let’s dig deeper into Monica’s honest, one-word answer because “favoritism” can take many forms and can be driven by a variety of factors for all of us.
I wish this wasn’t the case, but I’m susceptible to showing favoritism.
Sometimes it’s for self-serving reasons like:
- Career advancement – If I treat this person right, they’ll help me get the position I want.
- Perks – That person will give me access to special things I can’t access on my own.
- Glory – By gaining their favor, I’ll be in the spotlight and look important.
Maybe you can relate.
We all have to deal with the temptation to treat some people better than others.
Some reasons we unintentionally favor certain people are more subtle.
For instance, I can sometimes show partiality to folks because they’re like me.
I work to prevent this, but you might get preferred treatment from me if any of these describe you.
- Grew up in a small, rural community – bonus points if you’re from Kansas
- Attended Kansas State University (or a similar land-grant university)
- Have a dry sense of humor and can deliver a high-quality Dad Joke
- Spent your career in manufacturing or a trade/service business
- Share my values, worldview, and belief system
I know those are things that draw me to a person and these factors can cloud my objectivity when I’m building and leading a team.
If I’m not diligent and intentional, I’ll surround myself with people like me and miss out on the benefits of having a team with diversity across a wide range of factors.
In other words, I have to pay close attention to not show favoritism.
We can all let our comfort with the familiar overly influence our decision-making and our actions.
That was the case for Ariel.
She was walking into a trap that’s present for all leaders.
And most leaders never see it.
Until it’s too late.
A Hidden Trap for Leaders
We all tend to naturally show favoritism to those who do work like we do.
As a result, we end up building a team made up of people who are much like us.
They are good at and enjoy doing the same type of tasks we do.
Sometimes it’s intentional and obvious.
It’s easy to spot those work environments when you hear a leader say something like this:
“This is how we do things when you’re on my team. We get things done. We make decisions fast and we take action. We don’t spend time with our head in the clouds daydreaming and wondering or wasting time in brainstorming sessions. We’re doers. That’s how I work and that’s exactly what I expect from every person on my team.”
If you’re in a business or a department led by someone like that, you either fit in because you’re wired like the leader, or you don’t.
And you will certainly be favored by the boss when you do things his way.
But, if you don’t, things will probably not go well for you.
For instance, if you add the most value to a business by doing the upstream ideation work activities (like time-wasting brainstorming sessions…), you’re likely not going to feel respected and appreciated when you’re working for a leader like this.
Or, more likely, you may never be put in that position.
Because you would never get hired.
Favoritism During and After the Hiring Process
When leaders aren’t aware that every work endeavor moves through six steps from start to finish and that they need people who perform well and enjoy doing tasks in every one of those six stages, they leave gaps in their teams unfilled.
When they have an open position, they don’t consider these gaps and seek out someone who is built to do the type of work that’s not getting done.
Instead, they do what comes naturally.
They look for someone like themselves.
Someone who thinks like they do.
Deals with people like they do.
Solves problems like they do.
Those are the candidates they favor in the interview process.
Usually, this favoritism is subtle and goes unchallenged.
But it’s there. And it doesn’t end when the onboarding process is over.
Partiality is felt by those who are not quite as close a match to the boss as others on the team are.
Because they’re committed high performers, they complete those tasks that everyone else enjoys, but it quickly sucks the energy out of them.
When others feel energized and enthusiastic, they feel completely drained.
So they feel like an outsider.
Sadly, in situations like this where a leader has built a team made up primarily of clones of themselves, they truly are an outsider.
I see this show up clearly when I’m helping clients see what’s really going on in their teams.
Next week I’m going to come back to Ariel, Monica, and the rest of their team to dive deeper into their team dynamics.
Their Working Genius team map will help us see what’s really causing Monica to feel the way she does.
And, we’ll uncover why she’s started picking up the phone when the recruiters call her and why she’s not the only one spending more time on LinkedIn.
Ariel has big problems, and she doesn’t even know it.
But it’s not all doom and gloom for this first-time supervisor. She’s taking advantage of resources that will reveal what she’s not yet seen and protect her from losing key team members.
Until then, I invite you to consider these three questions so you can avoid being in the tight spot Ariel’s in. (And, yes, that was in fact an intentional reference to one of my favorite O Brother Where Art Thou lines, just in case you were wondering.)
3 Questions to Protect You and Your Team from Favoritism
To prevent you and your team members from suffering the negative effects of intentional or unintentional favoritism, I encourage you to take a moment to reflect on these questions.
- Do I invite all of my team members to tell me the kinds of work they do and don’t enjoy and seek to understand how they’re each wired?
- Am I making an intentional effort to get to know every person who reports to me, especially those I don’t naturally connect with?
- What’s one action I can take this week to protect myself from showing favoritism?
I hope you find those questions helpful in your quest to be a more effective leader in your business.
If this discussion of favoritism has raised any concerns and you’d like a sounding board to have a private, safe conversation about what you’re dealing with, feel free to schedule a complimentary coaching session with me using this link.
I’ll help you think through things so you can get better results with your existing team as you see what’s really going on under the surface.
Helping you lead with clarity and confidence,
Greg
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Greg Harrod
Greg Harrod is a Business Coach and Strategic Communications Partner. Follow GregHarrod.com to learn how you can build clear communication, aligned teams, and simple rhythms so your business runs smoothly. Greg will help you learn how to go from daily firefighting to calm, confident leadership by sharing his 30+ years of experience leading teams and businesses.
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