Great leaders do things others are afraid to do. For example, those who embrace these 3 awkward words others don’t typically use will distinguish themselves in their organizations.
What are these 3 awkward words leaders need to embrace?
Well, let’s just say most people might expect to find them on the resume of a grandparent not a business leader.
3 awkward words leaders need to embrace
When you read these 3 words, what images appear in your mind?
- Gentle
- Gracious
- Kind
Do images of your workplace and your boss and coworkers fill your mind? Or, do you have thoughts of home and family time with your parents, your grandpa or grandma, and those you love?
If you’re like most people, these terms seem appropriate in our personal lives. For many of us, this type of language is part of our vocabulary because of our faith. They are common in our places of worship.
But, in the workplace, these 3 words are not commonly used. They seem awkward.
We don’t tend to include them in our conversations with our teammates. And, most of us don’t embrace these 3 words and intentionally make them a regular part of our discussions as leaders.
This creates an opportunity for those of us who want to make a difference in the lives of our teammates, for those who want to lead with kindness and confidence.
We can distinguish ourselves as leaders as we step out of our comfort zone and embrace these 3 words.
It will seem awkward at first, so prepare yourself. But, don’t let that stop you.
The results will be worth the discomfort.
Trust me.
Better yet, don’t just trust me. Trust other experts on this topic too.
The experts agree
Gentle
Gentle is defined by the Merriam-Webster dictionary as “free from harshness, sternness, or violence”.
I hope we would all agree that a great leader should not use harshness, and definitely not violence, to motivate people.
Michael Hyatt, bestselling author and leadership expert, would add fear as another tactic leaders must avoid. In the place of fear, he recommends gentleness.
In his blog post, “How to Lead with Gentleness, Not Fear“, he says this.
Instead of fear-based tactics, mature leaders use gentle power.
Michael Hyatt
Hyatt also describes three tools leaders can use to put gentleness into action.
Tool 1: Courtesy
Treat others the way you would want to be treated. This is a rare behavior in an increasingly impolite culture.
Tool 2: Candor
Telling your teammates the truth demonstrates respect by communicating you believe they can handle it.
Tool 3: Challenge
Believe in the people on your team. Give them tasks that let them show their skills and shine.
Gentleness is not a character trait or a behavior reserved for grandparents.
All leaders (including grandparents) and the people they lead benefit when gentleness is valued, practiced, and applied.
Gracious
One of my favorite books on leadership is Gracious Leadership: Lead Like You’ve Never Led Before [affiliate link] by Janet Smith Meeks.
This book provides an inspiring example and solid evidence from the perspective of a gracious and highly successful leader in the health care industry.
She shares practical lessons to help others have the courage and confidence to follow in her footsteps.
Gracious leadership works. It produces results while caring for and respecting all people in an organization.
The foreword to this outstanding book includes this statement from Mike Slubowski, President and Chief Operating Officer, Trinity Health.
“There is indeed something divine about a great leader; each of us recognizes the magical ‘presence’ of gracious leaders and how special they are when we have been blessed to experience them.”
Mike Slubowski in the foreword to Gracious Leadership: Lead Like You’ve Never Led Before by Janet Smith Meeks
In my post, “Can A Kind Leader Be Successful?“, I provide many more valuable resources from Janet. I encourage you to take advantage of her wisdom through those resources and subscribe to her blog.
As with gentleness, a leader who is gracious is a blessing to their organizations and the people they interact with.
Kind
I’m not quite comfortable declaring myself an expert, but I feel compelled to follow my own advice from my blog post, “Want to be an Expert? Act Like a 5th-grader.“
I know more about leading with kindness than someone so to them I am an expert.
This blog is dedicated to providing evidence and examples supporting my strong belief that leaders can be successful and confident when they embrace kindness.
I encourage you to explore my blog and build your confidence in embracing kindness as a behavior when you lead. And, by “lead”, I don’t only mean in a position of authority.
I firmly support the The Kansas Leadership Center belief that “anyone can lead, anytime, anywhere”. Check out my free guide, 5 Simple Ways to Lead when You’re Not the “Leader” to learn more on this topic.
Gentleness and graciousness are not behaviors we need to be shy about. The same is true for kindness.
And, we certainly don’t need to be hesitant or embarrassed to incorporate these skills into our leadership style.
The experts agree. Gentle, gracious, and kind leaders can be highly successful and respected by their teams.
But, we need to do more than just live these traits out. We need to talk about them.
Embrace these 3 words by saying them out loud
I strive to be transparent as a leader. My goal is to not only model the behaviors I consider valuable, but to also talk to people about those behaviors.
This approach is especially important with soft skills like gentleness, grace, and kindness.
It is not enough to simply let people see us being gentle, gracious, and kind. To help others develop as leaders, we need to talk about what we are doing and why we are doing it.
We need to use the words “gentle”, “gracious”, and “kind” as we mentor developing leaders. These words and others like them need to be included in our hard conversations with our peers.
We need to embrace these 3 words, and many others like them, to increase our impact on the lives of the people we lead.
As we include words like “gentle”, “gracious”, and “kind” in our working vocabulary, other similar words will naturally be added too. Words like “caring”, “respect”, and “honor” find their way into discussions as well.
These words will become common with leaders in your organization as they hear you use them with confidence.
Over time, the values these words bring with them influence strategies and communications. Gradually, the culture of the organization is influenced for good.
A lesson from the Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion movement
If your organization has a Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion program (and I certainly hope it does), think about how those 3 words are becoming more common in the conversations you are having.
Of course, just saying those words is not enough. But it is a start.
With time and focused effort, the people’s lives are positively impacted through initiatives started with conversations that included the words “diversity”, “equity”, and “inclusion”.
The same is true for “gentleness”, “graciousness”, and “kindness”.
Saying these words out loud can be the first step of an important journey to create a much better culture in your organization.
Getting started
Try these scripts as starters to embrace these 3 words and incorporate “gentle”, “gracious”, and “kind” into your normal conversations.
Gentle (When meeting with your mentor):
I’m struggling to be gentle but firm with my team when they aren’t meeting their commitments. How do you keep from being harsh with your team when they’re struggling?
Gracious (When meeting with your mentee):
It sounds like you’re going to get some hard questions during this presentation. Have you thought about how to prepare yourself to be gracious when you get challenged?
Kind (When planning with your peers):
This decision is going to impact several people’s lives significantly. Have we done everything we can to be kind and respectful in how we communicate the message?
Embrace these 3 awkward words and set yourself apart
Let’s be honest.
Using the words “gentle”, “gracious”, and “kind” may sound easy when we’re reading a blog post. But in reality, it can be awkward at first. That’s why most people don’t use words like this with their teams.
But no one ever said leadership is easy. I encourage you to be uncomfortable for a time. It will get easier as you practice.
Embrace these 3 awkward words. Say them out loud.
Your efforts to lead with kindness and confidence in this way will be rewarded as others follow your example.
Be brave. Be courageous. Have a positive impact on your organization and the people on your team.
You can do it.
Let’s lead with kindness and confidence.
Greg
Discussion Questions
- What other awkward words do you think need to be used more often by leaders?
- How do you incorporate words like gentle, gracious, and kind into your normal conversations?
I’m interested to know how you put this into practice in your life. Please share your experiences in the comments section so we can learn together.
