If you care about people and are leading others, I bet you’ve asked yourself, “Can a kind leader be successful?”
It’s a valid question.
We’ve all heard the phrase, “Nice guys (and gals) finish last.” The list of not-so-nice leaders who’ve made it to the top is endless.
And kindness isn’t typically listed as a required skill in a job description.
So the question stands. “Can a kind leader be successful?“
I can say with confidence the answer is Yes. But, if that’s the case, why does the question enter our minds?
Discouraging voices all around
I suspect, your hesitancy in endorsing kindness as a critical aspect of successful leadership is largely a result of the voices around you.
“You have to be harder on people. “
“You’re too nice.”
“Don’t worry about the soft stuff. Just deliver the results.”
But that’s not who you are.
Yes. You do want to lead well. Exceeding expectations is what you’re all about.
You’re fully committed to bringing people together and guiding them as they accomplish great things together.
But, more importantly, you care about them as individuals. As human beings.
The voices are wrong
The frustrating truth is the strong, pervasive message we often hear is you can’t take care of people and lead them to perform at high levels.
If you believe all people on your team deserve respect and kindness, no person or system should pressure you to sacrifice your values to achieve a goal.
While few would defend their position if confronted, their actions reveal their true belief. A leader can’t be bothered with “soft” things like kindness and compassion if they want to deliver results.
Let me make my position perfectly clear.
Those who believe kindness cannot contribute to success for a leader or an organization are wrong.
I’ve seen this in my own career, but you don’t have to take my word for it.
Let me introduce you to two highly successful leaders who have the same opinion.
Janet Smith Meeks on Gracious Leadership
You may not have heard of Janet Smith Meeks. I only learned about her recently as I was doing research for another project.
In just a few minutes of hearing her communicate her message of Gracious Leadership I became an instant fan.
Mrs. Smith Meeks is a veteran C-Suite leader within the healthcare and financial services industries, fields unfamiliar to me. Her message, however, is universal.
This quote from her article, Why Gracious Leadership Is A Strategic Imperative, on the website Chief Executive reinforced my conviction.
Being gracious and kind is critical for all successful leaders.
Early in my tenure as a hospital president, I encountered resistance from cynics who believed Gracious Leadership was “soft stuff.” Quite frankly, they were wrong! Through practicing the grace and tough love that are integral to Gracious Leadership, we transformed a struggling, community hospital into an award-winning, high performance regional medical center ranked within the top 5% of hospitals nationally. We had highly engaged employees, physicians who happily collaborated to achieve excellence, very satisfied patients, outstanding quality and great financial results. Gracious Leadership is not soft stuff. Indeed, it’s strategic!
Janet Smith Meeks – Why Gracious Leadership Is A Strategic Imperative
If you are also getting resistance from cynics, I encourage you to lean on the experience and wisdom of a Mrs. Smith Meeks. Remember the measurable results she delivered. She transformed an entire hospital. She served people as a gracious, kind leader and she delivered incredible results.
I encourage you to read her book Gracious Leadership: Lead Like You’ve Never Led Before [affiliate link] and subscribe to her blog.
Her personal story is fascinating. You can hear her tell it in detail as a guest on the Rx for Success Podcast too.
One last resource from Janet Smith Meeks is this one-hour presentation in the Ross Leadership Institute Series at Otterbein University. It is packed with practical teaching based on decades of experience.
Grab a notebook and boost your leadership skills with this video.
This quote from the video reminded me of another wise leader I admire.
Being clear is one of the kindest things that we can do.
Janet Smith Meeks
Brene’ Brown delivers a similar message to answer Yes to the question, “Can a kind leader be successful?”.
Kindness according to Brene’ Brown
I probably don’t have to introduce you to Brene’ Brown.
You are likely already familiar with her outstanding work in the areas of courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy. If not, I encourage you to visit her website. She has many valuable resources you can access there.
One of my favorites is her book, Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts. [affiliate link].
In the section titled “The Call to Courage”, Dr. Brown describes a situation at her company.
She tells how her team confronted her with hard-to-hear truth.
Her behavior and expectations were creating chaos for the team and burning people out. That uncomfortable encounter was governed by a phrase her team agreed to apply in all their conversations:
Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.
Brene’ Brown
This simple phrase she first heard in a 12-step meeting was an integral part of how her business operates. She and her team lived by it.
If you are tempted to believe that kindness is the soft, easy part of being on a team, read Dr. Brown’s description of her discussion with her team and her response.
I bet you can’t read this example of being clear and kind without squirming in your seat.
Clarity brings accountability
Janet Smith Meeks and Brene’ Brown both highlight how clarity is critical to maintaining accountability and meeting high expectations as a team.
True clarity comes only through hard, vulnerable conversations anchored in kindness.
Kind leaders are successful leaders
True kindness is not always what it seems to be at first. It’s not easy and it can be very uncomfortable.
Being kind is something successful leaders do well. Even when it’s hard.
When the voices around you scream that you can’t be kind and successful as a leader, don’t listen to them. They probably don’t understand what true kindness really is and the mental toughness it requires. Help them learn, but don’t let them discourage you.
Listen to the wisdom of two successful leaders who have lived out kindness in their highly successful careers. Let their encouragement and experience give you confidence in the truth.
Kind leaders can be successful.
Let’s do something great.
Greg
Discussion Questions
- Who can you share this message with to help them better understand what true kindness is?
- Who are examples in your life of kind and successful leaders?
I’m interested to know how you integrate this message into your daily life. Please share your experiences in the comments section so we can learn together.
Great topic Greg! I have heard the phrase “You’re too nice” multiple times throughout my life… and it is never usually meant as a compliment! I am encouraged by your blog and the idea of leading with kindness. I believe there is a natural synergy between kindness and leadership, but sadly one that is often overlooked. I am excited that this concept incorporates a fundamental humanized approach – treating one another with empathy, dignity, and respect, and perhaps my “niceness” could actually be a leadership strength!
Thanks for your comments, Emma. I completely agree that your “niceness” is a leadership strength. I see you regularly approach situations with a genuine care for people even if you have to have hard, uncomfortable situations. The words you chose: empathy, dignity, and respect are such good characteristics of a truly kind leader.
The word “nice” is tricky. Nice isn’t the same as kind.
I know people have described me as being “too nice” at times. It’s been an accurate criticism when they really meant I was not willing to hold someone accountable or enter into a healthy conflict when it really was appropriate and necessary. When I’ve failed to lead with kindness under the excuse of not wanting to be mean or hurt someone’s feelings, I may have thought I was being nice, but I wasn’t being kind. I was lacking courage and not leading well.
I’m getting better at recognizing when I’m fooling myself with the “nice” excuse, but I’ve still got much room to improve.