What a harsh title, huh? Maybe I should have said “decent listeners who want to improve” to make it sting less. Either way, I think we all agree that good listeners make good teammates. Let’s talk about why we don’t listen well and how we can improve.
Not a poor listener? Well, I am.
The title may not be true for you, but it’s definitely true for me. When I do an honest evaluation of why I’m not listening well, often I find I’m more concerned with myself than with the other person.
That’s not very flattering to admit, but it’s true. It’s actually pretty rotten, huh? Just keeping it real.
There’s that old saying, “The first step in solving a problem is admitting that you have one.” Well, I have one and I suspect, since you’re human, you just might too.
Listening well is valuable. So what’s our problem?
I think we all agree that listening is valuable. By not listening well, we miss out on learning from our team members. We don’t capture their good ideas. We fail to be the best teammates and, therefore, the best team.
We all want our teams to perform well so why don’t we listen well?
We get distracted.
Good listening, active listening as it’s called, takes focus and effort. Those things are hard. If you want to hear what someone has to say, you have to work at it. People sometimes don’t want to do that especially when we’re tired and overwhelmed with responsibilities.
We focus on our ourselves
We hear the other person with our ears, but our minds are busy preparing what we are going to say. If we hear something that triggers us, we can quickly go into response mode. We tune out the words of our teammate.
We don’t really care what the person has to say
Ouch. I said that out loud didn’t I? Too often we let our history with a person influence whether we value their input. Even if they’ve never had valuable input before (which is, of course, not likely), this may be the one time that they contribute that game changing idea. We’ll miss it if we’re not listening.
These aren’t behaviors we can be proud of so what can we do to improve?
Let’s get better
Empathize
Ever been on a video conference sharing what you think is important input and see another person looking at their phone or even dozing off? This actually just happened to me yesterday.
How does that make you feel? It makes me feel like I should just stop talking. It also reminded me, however, that I’ve done the exact same thing to others far too many times.
When I find myself losing interest in what another person is saying, I try to remembering those feelings. I let myself briefly experience the emotions I had when I was ignored. This helps keep me focused.
Don’t take ourselves too seriously
What we have to say is important. And, of course, it’s good to be ready with a response when it’s our turn to speak. We need to remember, however, what the other person has to say is important too. Maybe even more important.
If we invest our mental energy in paying attention to what the other person is saying but don’t have a perfect response, we’ll be okay. In fact, we’ll better than okay. We will have insight that others who weren’t really listening won’t have.
Value other people and what they have to say
Diversity in a team is critical to success. We need perspectives that are different from our own to fully understand problems we’re trying to solve.
Teams that explore multiple interpretations of a situation and openly disagree while maintaining respect for one another are the exception. As a result, they deliver exceptional results.
We have to discipline ourselves to listen to what everyone has to say if we want to be successful.
We know some of the reasons why we don’t listen well and now we have some actions to take to improve. Being a good listener doesn’t come naturally. Don’t be discouraged if you aren’t good at it now. Be patient. Keep practicing. You will get better.
For more tips on creating great teams, check out my blog post, Discover How to be a Better Teammate and How to Create Great Teams with Two Powerful Questions.
Discussion Questions
- What gets in your way when you are trying to listen to someone?
- Whose perspective are you missing in your team discussions? How might you invite them to share their perspective and listen to what they have to say?
