I made my case for the power of asking this simple question in my post, Ask “Who Needs to Do What by When?” Drive results!
In that post I said I don’t ask the question often enough. Today, I’m going to explore some reasons why I don’t want to ask it.
I want to be clear. These are my reasons. Specific to me as a person, an imperfect person as you’ll soon learn.
I’m sharing my story with the hope that you may learn something about yourself as we discuss the challenges I have. Ideally, you’ll discover some practical ideas for overcoming your obstacles too.
What’s my problem, really?
The Who Needs to Do What by When? question is powerful. Easy to remember. It’s got a nice cadence. Rolls off the tongue.
Then why is it not coming out of my mouth? Why don’t I want to ask the question?
The shallow, easy answer is that I just forget. I’m busy taking notes or leading the meeting or actively participating in the meeting. Those excuses sound noble.
Or, maybe what I’m actually busy doing is avoiding things. Hard things.
Yeah. That’s more accurate. The truth is deeper issues within me are involved.
If you’re willing to consider that you might also have hidden barriers that are more complex and less obvious, I encourage you to keep reading.
We’ll learn something and explore some opportunities for growth together.
I might be the Who
I’ll just start with a confession. Sometimes I avoid work.
I hear the discussion in the room. I can clearly describe the work that needs to be done. It’s good work. Valuable work.
I just don’t want to do it.
I’ve got a million other good things to do. I don’t need another task on my list.
So I let the conversation drift and wander as the end time of the meeting draws near. Next topic. Move on. Run out the clock. Quickly please! Before someone else asks the dreaded Who Needs to Do What by When? question and realizes that I’m the perfect Who for the job.
What’s wrong with my approach?
Plenty. I’ll focus on two important aspects
I don’t trust my team.
Whoa! What? Don’t trust my team? What kind of teammate am I anyway?
A real one.
If I trusted my team, I would open my mouth. Share what I see as the What to be done. I would also share that I might be the right person but I don’t think I have time to do it.
If I’m going to be really vulnerable, I might even add that I probably do have the time to do the work. I just don’t want to. It sounds like a drag.
Think I’m going to say that out loud? Not unless I truly trust my team.
I’m arrogant
Think about what I’m really saying. No one else can do this work except me. I’m the only one who is qualified.
Really? I’m indispensable? If that’s not arrogance, I don’t know what is.
Maybe, just maybe, I should ask the question without thinking I’m the only one in the organization who can be the Who. Other talented individuals might just step up. They might even do the work better than I could.
Do I really want that? Yes. I do. My ego may not, but I do.
I Like Being Comfortable
I like comfort.
Doing my work at my own pace with no one expecting me to deliver by a certain date. Comfortable.
Everyone knowing what I’m working on and when I said I would be done. Uncomfortable.
I know. I know. The Who gets the credit. It’s worth the discomfort. But my way also has a bonus. It lets me be the hero.
I Like Being the Hero
I can work on the things I think are important without anyone knowing about it. When I get it all done and ready to present…
Surprise! I have the solution we need but no one asked for.
To make my method even more attractive, if I can’t get the work done, no one knew about it anyway. People don’t know I’m trying so they won’t know if I fail. Every good perfectionist knows this trick.
I’ll admit the obvious. These aren’t the behaviors of a perfect leader. They’re the struggles of a leader who is learning. This is the internal stuff I fight against. It’s not very flattering but it’s reality for me.
Ask It Anyway. It’s Worth It
How do I get through these realities of being a real, imperfect person and unleash the power of this simple question?
I need to just open my mouth. Let these seven words escape and be heard by the team.
I need to trust the people around me and speak up. Even if it’s hard because of the challenges within me. The team and our collective success is more important than my comfort.
For me this is easy to say but hard to do. You may feel the same way.
If you do, I encourage you to keep trying. Don’t quit. I’m a work in process and so are you.
Discussion Questions
- What prevents you from speaking up and asking the question Who Needs to Do What by When?
- Are there bigger issues that you need to wrestle with personally or as a team to overcome challenges related to trust and vulnerability?
Greg, this is true, brutal honesty. I think it takes a lot of courage to talk about these things, and I’m so glad you did because I share a lot of these vulnerabilities! The one about comfort – I struggle with that one daily!
I appreciate you sharing that you struggle too, Steve. It’s so easy for me to let down my guard. Before I realize it, I’m taking the easy way but not the best way. That applies to every area of my life. Not just work. Have you found any techniques that help you? I’d love to hear them. I’m sure others would too.
Sometimes I will write down all that is entailed in the action and deliverable, and I highlight the most “uncomfortable” aspects of the task. Consulting with a peer about those aspects can make them seem easier, or at least can direct me to a way to reduce the “discomfort” of them. Sometimes it works, and other times it stands to remain.
Great idea, Steve. I think the act of writing (and the thinking required to write) helps process feelings too. Sometimes just writing something down can make it less scary or uncomfortable.
I’m a visual learner. For me, if I can see it, even if it is just a step or process list, it can framework just how tall the task may be. There have been times I’ve surprised myself at how much simpler the reality is over the large obstacle my mind made it out to be!
Same for me, Steve. I find myself using visuals more and more to understand and explain things. As you said, our minds can often exaggerate things. Converting the clutter in my mind into a coherent visual is often hard for me but always beneficial.
Scratch paper and pen, whiteboard, post-it notes – I’ve done them all!
Me too!
Greg…too close to home! Your #1 honestly was my first thought, but you also called out a couple others that I have some personal experience with. I appreciate your insight drawing those up for reflection.
Glad it helped, my friend.
At the risk of sounding trivial, I am going to confess that there are two big reasons I don’t enjoy asking the question of who needs to do what by when. First, I get extremely frustrated when there isn’t an efficient way of keeping track of action items (they get handed out, but never checked up on). I am not, by nature, organized, and I struggle to create a structure for this kind of thing when I’m leading a team. A very close second is that if I’m the one asking the question, then I need to be the one following up. I don’t like people to feel that I’m pressuring them, because I highly value care, empathy, and kindness. It creates a lot of inner tension for me, and I lose traction as a leader. I’m working on it all, though, and enjoying all you have to say here. Happy to be a 1st grader in a room of 5th graders!
Great input, Kendi. I can relate to both of your points. And, I don’t think they’re trivial at all. Tracking action items efficiently and following through with them is difficult work. In fact, your comment reminded me that I’m behind in that area right now! Put that on my list of things to do today.
On your second point, I often feel as you do, but I try to remind myself that the person asking the question (whether it’s me or someone else) may or may not be the one who needs to follow up. If the group is functioning well as a team and the action tracker is visible to everyone, the owner of the action would ideally get their task done and not require much if any pressure or follow up. I have enough experience to know that’s not typically the case, but we can help our teams move that direction.
What insights do others have on Kendi’s experience? What tools or resources have you used to record and track action items with your teams?
Thanks for your comments, Kendi.