One Meeting Minute Thought for Your Week
Wishy-washy people can be a challenge to manage – especially in meetings.
They can be so annoying!
(I know you were thinking the same thing so I just said it out loud.)
I expect you know exactly what I mean when I describe a person as “wishy-washy”.
But, just to be sure we’re aligned, here’s my perspective.
What does “wishy-washy” mean?
When I think of a wishy-washy meeting participant, dozens of faces pop in my mind from the hundreds (maybe thousands?) of meetings I’ve led during my 30+ year career.
If I had to describe all these wishy-washy people with one sentence, I’d use this one:
“They just won’t give me a straight answer!”
When I’m leading a meeting, and ask a wishy-washy person a clear, direct question, they rarely respond with a clear, direct answer.
Their replies typically include one of these phrases:
- “It could be [one answer]. But it might also be [another answer].”
- “I’m not completely sure.”
- “Well…, it depends…”
- [awkward silence]
And, that makes me think they’re wishy-washy.
I’ll be honest and vulnerable with you.
Other terms come to my mind too.
Being wishy-washy isn’t good
The term “wishy-washy” may not be the word you would use to describe a person that responds (or doesn’t respond) in a scenario like this.
You might pick one of these:
👎 Incompetent
👎 Uninformed
👎 Unprepared
👎 Fence-Sitter
👎 Ineffective
👎 Indecisive
👎 Cowardly
👎 Waffling
👎 Fearful
👎 Weak
And, all of those words are extremely negative.
Which may be the reason I choose “wishy-washy” instead of one of those words.
As I said, I’m going to be vulnerable here.
Using the term “wishy-washy” helps me disguise my judgmental, condescending attitude toward that person in my meeting.
I’m not being intellectually honest with myself and acknowledging my own deficiencies as a leader (and as a person).
But, this is the hard truth:
When I have this biased, negative opinion of the wishy-washy person, whether I admit it or not, I’m not going to lead them well.
If I want to help every person in my meetings be successful and perform to the best of their ability, I’m going to have to manage my own mindset and behaviors first.
You may not struggle with having this negative perception of a wishy-washy person, but I do.
And, I want to do better.
Recently I discovered a new way to think about wishy-washy people and it’s helped me.
You may find it useful too.
And, to continue with the “being honest” theme, leading wishy-washy people well and helping you do the same isn’t my only motivation.
There’s a more personal reason I’ll share with you in a moment.
But, before I get to that, let’s consider another way to view wishy-washy people.
Another way to view wishy-washy people
When I allowed myself to put aside my “I’m right. They’re wrong.” arrogant attitude and stay curious just a little bit longer about why a wishy-washy person might think and behave as they do, I learned something.
I learned that a wishy-washy person might actually be in a position to look down on ME.
They might be seeing things I don’t see.
What I view as a simple question that deserves a simple answer may not be so simple after all.
The black-and-white situation has more gray to it than I noticed.
I see them needing to choose between 1 or 2 options, maybe even 3.
But they see dozens of valid possibilities that deserve consideration.
A wishy-washy person is aware of countless nuances others miss.
This new perspective causes the pedestal of my ivory tower to crumble bringing me and my arrogance crashing to the ground!
So the first step to manage a wishy-washy person is to view them in a more positive light.
The 6 Types of Working Genius framework has helped me do exactly that.
A wishy-washy person in the 6 Types of Working Genius framework
When you use the 6 Types of Working Genius as a productivity tool in your business, each member of your team completes an assessment to understand their Working Geniuses, Competencies, and Frustrations.
Every person has 2 Working Geniuses. These are the activities that give that person joy, energy, and fulfillment.
Each person also has 2 Working Frustrations, activities that rob them of joy and energy.
A wishy-washy person likely has the Working Genius of Wonder or Discernment.
The Working Genius of Wonder
The Genius of Wonder involves pondering and asking questions, contemplating why things are the way they are.
A person who has the Genius of Wonder is always asking questions and considering assumptions that may need to be questioned.
They challenge the status quo.
The Working Genius of Discernment
Someone who has the Genius of Discernment has sound judgment based on their instinct and intuition. This comes from their ability to recognize patterns and synthesize disparate pieces of information.
Someone with the Genius of Discernment is good at evaluating whether an idea is sound. They see when further tweaking or adjustment is required.
You can see how a person with the Genius of Wonder or the Genius of Discernment is highly valuable to any meeting or team.
And, you can also see how a person with one of these Geniuses might be viewed as a wishy-washy person.
But what about a person who has Wonder AND Discernment?
The wishy-washy person in your meeting is probably a WD
In the 6 Types of Working Genius model, a person with the Working Geniuses pairing of Wonder and Discernment is a called a WD or “The Contemplative Counselor”.
Here’s the 6 Types of Working Genius framework explanation:
The Contemplative Counselor – A thoughtful, insightful, and nuanced advisor. Slow to declare certainty but deep in wisdom, intuition, and rationale.
This person tends to be extremely observant and deep in their thinking. They express their insights using impactful words.
However, because of the way they think, they can sometimes be hesitant to declare certainty or express confidence in their own judgments.
In other words, they may be seen as wishy-washy.
When you have a WD, a Contemplative Counselor, in your meetings, and realize that’s how they’re wired, you can now see them as an asset not as a liability.
They have much to offer you and the other participants in your meetings.
Here’s how to help a wishy-washy (Contemplative Counselor) thrive, flourish, and contribute in your meetings.
How to help wishy-washy people contribute in your meetings
The first step is simply to see them as valuable based on how they’re made.
That mindset shift has helped me and I know it will help you too.
After you make that change in your thinking, try these 5 tactics in your meetings.
1. Ask for input from the wishy-washy person
Wishy-washy people are often hesitant to speak up during a meeting.
They know they don’t have a single perspective they can definitively say they 100% support.
So, they hold back while a person who is more convinced (but less informed because they don’t see all the nuances) drives the conversation.
This is especially true if the wishy-washy person is an introvert.
You may think they aren’t being proactive or don’t care. But that’s not the case.
They just need an invitation and encouragement to share what’s on their mind.
So, prompt them with a statement like this:
“Megan, with your Wondering and Discernment geniuses, you’re probably seeing aspects of this situation we aren’t noticing. Before we make a decision, I’d like to hear your perspective. What are we missing?”
2. Ask for input before or after your meeting
The Contemplative Counselor often needs more time to think and process.
So, when they’re asked for input DURING a meeting, they can’t provide their best answer.
And, if they’re not comfortable speaking in front of a group, they may lock up completely!
To help a wishy-washy person perform best during your meeting, give them advance notice.
Before the meeting, tell them you’d like them to contribute during your meeting.
They may want to send you their input in written form so you can share it on their behalf.
Or, with time to prepare, they may be comfortable enough to tell the group on their own.
If a topic comes up during your meeting, consider if you can get input from the wishy-washy person later so they have time to give you more valuable insight.
3. Allow room for multiple answers and more discussion
Instead of forcing a wishy-washy into a corner with a question like:
“Is it A or B?”
Make the meeting environment safe enough for them to provide a more valuable answer.
You can ask:
“It seems to me the answer is either A or B. But, I may not be seeing the whole picture. Do you think we should pick A or B? Or, do you see an option C? Or even options D, E, or F?”
You may get confirmation of your instinct from the wishy-washy person:
“You’re right. I was overthinking it. Those are the only 2 options. And A makes the most sense. Let’s go with it.”
Or you may realize you were about to force a decision between 2 bad choices!
Option F from the wishy-washy person, which you hadn’t considered, was a much better solution.
4. Be patient
The Contemplative Counselor is seeing more of the iceberg than you are.
Since you’re only seeing the tiny tip, it’s reasonable for you to expect them to provide a quick response.
You may think “Come on. This isn’t complex. Give me an answer.”
But, do you want a quick answer that tells you only about the tip of the iceberg?
Or, do you want to know about the dangers that are below the surface?
If you want to get the most of a wishy-washy person, be patient.
Give them time to process and communicate.
They have more content to synthesize and turn into a concise message than you realize.
And, if you’re a wise leader, you want to hear what they have to say.
5. Recognize the internal angst they’re dealing with
A wishy-washy person’s inability to decide quickly frustrates you.
But it frustrates The Contemplative Counselor even more.
They can’t NOT see the nuances they see. It’s how they’re created and part of who they are.
That’s just how their mind works.
If they could ignore the patterns they recognize, they might.
Things would be much simpler for them and for you.
You would both be more comfortable.
And your meeting would be more efficient. But it wouldn’t be as effective.
When a wishy-washy person suppresses the realities they see, they put your business at risk.
Empathize with them and help them stay in the productive state of discomfort.
The secret behind my desire to help wishy-washy people
If you’ve worked with me, you probably already know my secret.
You may have read the description of a wishy-washy person and said this to yourself.
“Greg, YOU’RE wishy-washy!”
And you’re right.
I can definitely be wishy-washy!
(How’s that for a not wishy-washy response.)
My Working Geniuses are Enablement and Discernment with Wonder as one of my Working Competencies.
And, when my Discernment and Wonder kick in, my mind is flooded with a never-ending torrent of perspectives to describe a situation.
It can be overwhelming to assess and evaluate all the options based on the myriad of nuances involved in what seems to others to be a simple, black-and-white scenario.
Sometimes I’m overthinking. Sometimes I’m not.
I also lock up at times. I’m not able to provide a quick answer or make an immediate decision.
In other words, I can be wishy-washy.
This quote from Matthew Lencioni in a recent episode of The Working Genius podcast (I share the link to it below) hit home for me.
And a coworker (a WD, Contemplative Counselor) told me it perfectly describes how she feels too.
“I will rarely declare something with absolute certainty.”
It’s hard for people like us to 100% agree with something if there’s any kind of caveat we can’t resolve or at least voice when we provide our answer.
While indecisiveness and stubbornness in a person can be at play, it’s often not the core issue for a person who’s perceived as wishy-washy.
As I’m learning to be less judgmental and critical of others, I’m also beginning to understand how to view myself through a more positive lens.
Take the next step to help wishy-washy people
You may also have the Working Genius of Discernment and my experience resonates with you.
Or, you may be a WD – The Contemplative Counselor like my coworker and you experience this at a much deeper level than I do.
Of course, you may not experience this at all because you are not wired this way. Wonder and Discernment may even be your Working Frustrations.
If that’s the case, no one would ever describe you as wishy-washy.
But, at some point in your career you’re going to be leading meetings with people who aren’t like you.
You’ll be leading wishy-washy people.
Now you’ll be able to understand them a bit better and help them contribute to make your meetings more productive and effective.
More Resources to Help You Build Your Career and Your Business
Humility is essential for leaders. And it isn’t easy for me to stay humble. You may struggle in the same way. If so, check out my blog post on the topic:
✅ Can I be Humble and Successful on a Team? (click here)
Humility leads to curiosity which will help you empathize with and better understand a wishy-washy person.
One of my favorite books to help me stay curious is:
✅ The Advice Trap – Be Humble, Stay Curious & Change the Way You Lead Forever (click here)
The idea to write this article came to me as I was walking Zoey and Maewyn listening to this podcast episode:
✅ The Working Genius Podcast with Patrick Lencioni – The Wonder of Wonder (click here)
Thank you to Matt Lencioni (a WD and an introvert) for his vulnerability in sharing what life is like for him as a Contemplative Counselor.
And, to the Working Genius crew for describing the tactics they use to help Matt thrive in his job so we can help others with the Working Geniuses of Wonder and Discernment find joy, energy, and fulfillment in their work too.
And finally, if you’re curious like I was about the origins of the terms “wishy-washy”, invest 4 minutes to read or listen and learn (click here).
And Now a Word from Our Sponsors
You may see this entire discussion as an advertisement for the 6 Types of Working Genius.
And, that may be true.
I love using the 6 Types of Working Genius framework as a productivity tool in my job every day.
And, even more than that, I love helping others learn and apply it with their teams.
If you’re interested in having me help you as a Working Genius Certified Facilitator, let’s have a conversation!
That’s All for this Issue
When you’re a leader, your mindset drives everything we do.
So, think about how you’re viewing that wishy-washy person in your meeting.
You may find (like I did) that you need to make some adjustments in your perspective.
That person who has been annoying you in your meetings will be transformed into one of your most valuable contributors!
And, it will be you who’s changed to make that transformation – not them!
You’re continually become more self-aware and improving as a leader.
Nice work. Keep it up!
Let’s lead with kindness and confidence!
Greg
Here are 3 ways I can help you when you’re ready:
- Get more free resources you can use today (Click here to Start)
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