How To Stop Someone From Rambling So They Can Be Heard

Have you ever been on a call or in a meeting and someone starts rambling? You know the person, the rambler.

The leader of the call asks a question and the rambler answers it, about 3 or 4 times, adding more words each time. At the same time, the other people on the call are silently begging for someone to make the rambling to stop.

I’m sure you’ve been on that call. I know I have. Many, many times.

If you’re leading a call and a someone starts rambling, you’ve got a problem. You’ve got to stop them, but you don’t want to be rude.

What can you do?

I can help. Here are some techniques to not only stop someone from rambling but to help them get what they really want: to be heard.

Why it’s important to stop someone from rambling

Before we talk about how to stop someone from rambling, let’s be clear on whether we should stop them. It’s not going to be comfortable to intervene, so let’s get it set in our minds that the action we take and the associated discomfort are worth it.

The short answer is the discomfort is worth it. It’s worth it for you as a leader, for the team, for the organization, and, most importantly, it’s worth it for the rambler.

Rambling is not good for you as the leader

Simply stated, if you allow team members to ramble during the meetings you are leading, you will lose the respect of your teammates.

My position when it comes to meetings (including conference calls, video sessions, or one-on-one formal conversations) is this.

If you are the owner of the meeting, you are responsible for how the meeting is managed. Every participant in the meeting is your customer and it is up to you to provide value to them.

When you take this approach and do your best to run efficient, effective meetings, the participants in the meeting will notice. And, you will earn their respect.

Rambling is not good for the team

Think about how you behave when a person in a meeting starts to ramble. How long can you stay mentally engaged?

Maybe if you’re in the room, you can hang in there for a couple of minutes.

But, if you’re remote, in no time at all you stop sharing your video and grab your phone to pass the time until the rambling stops. Especially, if the person rambling is a known offender. You know it’s going to be a while before they stop talking so you might as well do something else. Then, when the leader finally regains control, you struggle to re-engage.

I’m keeping it real here because that’s what happens to me. If it happens you too, you can be sure we’re not alone.

Rambling is not good for the organization

Rambling by a team member can wreck a meeting. A call that is engaging, productive, and efficient can quickly lose pace and become a waste of time when disrupted by a person oversharing. Obviously, you did not schedule a meeting to waste time. You called it to get something accomplished. To deliver results.

Leading a meeting that wastes your organization’s resources is not what you have have been put in place to do.

Rambling is not good for the rambler

If you truly desire to be a kind and confident leader and you truly want to do what is best for your teammates (and I trust you do since you’re reading my blog), this is the most compelling reason to take action.

You’ve got to stop the rambler for their benefit.

You know the story you are telling about the rambler in your own mind (hopefully not to others, but I know I’m guilty of that). It isn’t a positive story. Just like it’s hard to respect a leader who can’t manage their meeting, it’s hard to respect a teammate who can’t manage their words.

We should seek the best for all our teammates and letting someone on our team ramble isn’t best for them.

As a leader, you have a choice

Hopefully, these reasons create a strong desire within us to take action when we are leading a meeting or a call and we hear the rambling begin. It’s the right thing to do even if it’s uncomfortable (and it probably will be at first).

You really have to decide on your own though. Like too many leaders you can let a rambling teammate keep going and going and going…

That’s one option and leaders choose it all the time. But remember, as the leader, when you are aware of the negative consequences of a rambler and choose to not intervene, you can no longer blame the rambler for wrecking your meeting. You are responsible.

When you do take action, however, you will be a beacon of light and a shining example for your teammates. I make that statement with confidence based on my personal experience.

I’m speaking from experience

The personal experience I’m referring to happened just this week. I was on a video conference and a couple of my teammates had far too many words to share with the group.

Thankfully, the call was being led by a seasoned pro who has learned over the years how to be an increasingly kind and confident leader.

I observed him as he applied with mastery many of the techniques I’m going to share with you. It was a work of art.

I was impressed and inspired to write this article because of his compassionate and effective handling of the situation. I wanted you to have the opportunity to learn how he was able to stop someone from rambling so they could be heard.

Here are some strategies I watched him use and some of my own I’ve had success with over the years.

3 steps to managing a rambler with kindness and confidence

This blog is all about learning to lead with kindness and confidence so let’s get into some very practical steps you can take to stop someone from rambling and help them to be heard.

1. Pause and empathize

This is the first and the most important step. When you’re leading a meeting and a person starts to dominate the discussion with their lengthy comments, it is super easy to get triggered. Ramblers can be so annoying, right? And, this can be especially true if the rambling is just complaining.

Our immediate response might be to take charge and abruptly shut them down. Blast them with a harsh comment. That would feel good, but just for a bit. Then the reality of what we’d done would hit us.

By abusing the power we have as the meeting leader and acting as a bully, we will do more damage than good. We might make this one particular meeting more efficient, we might also miss the opportunity to hear the nugget of good the rambler was wrapping in too many words.

We may also damage our relationship with that person and their allies. And, you can be sure our reputation as a kind leader will take a big hit.

Obviously, I don’t recommend this approach.

Instead, I encourage you to take a mental pause and think about the rambler as a real person.

Why might they be using so many words at this particular moment? Here are some possible scenarios to consider as you strive to understand this person at a deeper level before you respond.

6 possible reasons your teammate might be rambling

• Insecurity – Your teammate might feel intimidated and lack confidence so they respond with too many words. They may not know the answer to the question you asked. You might be able rephrase your question to put them at ease and help them realize “I don’t know, but I’ll get back with you.” is an acceptable answer.

• Loneliness – Maybe this call is the only human interaction they’ve had recently. Is this person a social butterfly who is now working from home? Maybe they’ve had a major change in their personal life like a divorce or a death in their immediate family. Real life situations impact our teammates’ behavior.

• Trust – The rambler may be opening up, albeit a bit too much, because they trust you to listen. Other leaders may have previously squelched their input and the freedom and invitation to add comments in a meeting is new to them.

• Passion – Their abundance of words may be a reflection of their passion for the topic. You want energetic, committed teammates who will fight for their views. Consider their willingness to share their perspective a positive before you rush to shut them up.

• Compensation – Some people ramble to fill the awkward silence when no one else will speak up. Is this person really dominating the conversation or does it just seem like it because no one else is contributing? How can you get others involved and take the pressure off the rambler?

• Inexperience – A person who is using too many words to communicate their point may simply need practice to express themselves clearly and concisely. We can all improve in this area. I know I can. (Have you seen the length of some of my blog posts including this one? Good grief, Greg!)

2. Stop the ramble

Even if a teammate’s intent is good, you as the leader still have to stop someone from rambling and wrecking your meeting.

We all know that once a rambler has the microphone in their hand it is extremely difficult to get them off the stage. Figuratively speaking.

Try these techniques to stop the flow and take back control of your call.

5 ways to kindly intervene when a teammate won’t stop talking

• Prevent the rambling before it starts – Give them a specific amount of time to make their comments. “Bob, I’m trying to stick to our agenda. Would you please provide an update on your work in 2 minutes or less.” Use a timer and warn them when they have 30 seconds left.

• Politely interrupt with a clarifying question and help them focus – A comment like this often works well. “Aisha, I’m sorry to interrupt but I really want to understand how this relates to the question? Could you please help me understand the connection?”

• Be specific about the input you need from them – If you ask a very specific question, you can remind them if they start rambling that you need this exact information. “Maria, I appreciate that explanation. It’s good background information, but I still need to know the date you’ll have your action item complete.”

• Strategically schedule a rambler at the end of the meeting – Every meeting should have a predefined end time. Put a known rambler at the end of the agenda so the hard stop at the end of the meeting time drives them to make their point quickly and stops them if they don’t.

• Disrupt your own meeting and break their flow – When a rambler gets in the groove, it’s hard to stop them. If you’re desperate, you can use visual and audible distractions to break their rhythm. For instance, if you’re presenting your screen, change the slide back to the agenda that shows the time allocated to their topic. Drop your notebook if you’re together in a conference room. If you’re working from home, make your dog bark. You might feel a bit embarrassed, but, as I said above, it’s worth it.

3. Help them be heard

Ironically, the one thing that a rambler wants, to be heard, is exactly what they aren’t getting by rambling.

People are tuning them out and not hearing what they have to say. The valuable input they have to share with the team is being buried in their cluttered, abundance of words.

You can help them with these strategies.

3 strategies to help a rambler be heard

• Include them in the meeting agenda – Giving a person a specific amount of time on a limited meeting schedule communicates they are important and have information the group needs to hear. It also helps them realize they aren’t the only ones on the agenda and can’t take the entire meeting time.

• Help them prepare before the meeting – Schedule individual time with a potential rambler to help them get ready and understand you value their input. A statement like this can be powerful in building up your teammate and keeping them from rambling, “Simone, I know you have a lot to contribute during the call, what are the key points you want to make? I’ll include them in the meeting agenda so we can keep the discussion focused and on track.”

• Ask them to send you an email – Requesting an email from someone who is rambling will often cause them to reconsider the importance of what they are saying. If they really want to be heard, a rambler will gladly compile their thoughts in an email. Phrasing the request like this lets them know you care about what they have to say. “What you’re saying seems critical, but I’m having trouble processing it all right now. Would you please send me an email so we can cover this properly during our next call?

• Offer to meet with them personally after the meeting – If you have tried to stop someone from rambling and it just isn’t working, try interrupting them with an offer to meet personally with them to discuss their topic further. This honors them through the investment of your time and it gives you the opportunity to mine for that precious nugget of knowledge they have within them but are struggling to clearly share. Don’t be surprised if they offer an apology for going on and on during the call. You can then share what you know and help them improve.

Stopping myself from rambling

If you’ve made it this far, you may be thinking I’ve done a fair amount of rambling myself. You may be right so let’s shut this thing down.

In all these words, I hope you’ve found some nugget of good to help you when you need to stop someone from rambling during a call or meeting.

It’s not always easy, but you can help your teammates who sometimes share too many words, but still deserve to be heard.

Put these strategies into action and you will be leading with kindness and confidence as you take care of your teammates and serve your organization.

Let’s do something great.

Greg

Discussion Questions

• How do you manage ramblers in your meetings and calls? What works well for you and what doesn’t work at all?

I’m sure you’ve dealt with those who tend to have too many words. Please share your insight in the comments section so we can learn together.

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