When communicating with a person or with a group,
- Hearing is required
- Listening is good
- Understanding is better
Let’s learn together how to be a better listener.
I’m a pretty good listener… some of the time
At other times, I just stink at it.
I’ve learned many of the techniques of active listening so my problem isn’t knowing how to listen well. It’s actually doing the work. Of all the people in the world, the person I want to understand the most is my wife, Angie.
I’ll humbly admit to you that we had a conversation recently where she gently pointed out that I had not taken the time to understand how she was feeling in a certain situation. She rightfully did not feel honored because I didn’t consider her valuable enough to invest the energy into making sure I understood what she was saying. Those are my words not hers and they are accurate.
If I am not listening well to my precious wife, how much more must I have to learn when it comes to listening to understand my coworkers and others in my life. Once again, I’m here to help you learn and I learn along with you.
Listening to understand begins with your motives and your mindset.
If you want to be a better listener, continually ask yourself these two questions.
- Do I really want to understand what this person has to say?
- Am I willing to put in the effort required to do that?
If you can’t answer yes to both of these questions, then you don’t have much of a chance of understanding the person’s message.
You might hear them. You might even listen to them. But, you probably won’t understand the message they are trying to communicate. Let’s explore these questions further.
Do I really want to understand what this person has to say?
This is a hard question because it pries deep inside us. I cover this further in my post, Why We are Poor Listeners and How to Improve. It may cause us to admit that we really don’t think this person has anything to add to the conversation. We may assume we have the situation all figured out on our own. We don’t really need anyone else’s opinion.
That may be true or it may be a sign that our pride is preventing us from receiving valuable input from another human being.
This is a good question to wrestle with before you are engaged in a conversation with another person. If you enter the discussion having already decided this person is valuable and may have something worth hearing, you’ve taken the first step in listening to understand.
Am I willing to put in the effort required to do that?
Once we’ve decided that we want to understand a person, we’ve got to resolve to do the work that’s required. Listening to understand is not easy. It takes effort and mindset to focus on what the other person is saying, especially if they are struggling to communicate clearly.
Once we’ve got our motive right and our mindset established, we can take action. I’ll cover that in my next post, More Tips on How to Listen to Understand not Just to Hear on this topic.
Discussion Questions
- Who in your life do you want to better understand when you listen to them?
- Are you willing to do the work required to improve your listening skills?
