Would you like to know your teammates better? Have you ever been on a team, but felt like you had nothing in common with any of the other team members? Or, maybe you’ve worked with a group of people for a long time, but still feel completely disconnected with them as human beings?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, this post is for you.
I’m going to give some super-easy ways to know your teammates better using simple Top 3 lists.
Sound too basic to really help you get connected with your team?
Trust me.
Simple works.
Why do you want to know your teammates?
Why do you want to know your teammates?
This is a valid and important question to ask yourself before you consider applying the techniques I’m going to share with you in this post.
Proper motives
If your goal is to connect with the people on the team because you care about them and want to help your team deliver results, great.
Keep reading.
You know the value you can bring as a leader through the power of connection. We covered that in my post, “3 Things To Focus On To Lead A Successful Team“.
You’re continually looking for ways to get better at leading with kindness and confidence. This post will give you another technique to apply.
Or, if you want to know your teammates simply because they are human beings, your motive is admirable.
We become better people when we know other people better.
We have more empathy. And, that makes us a better human.
These are all proper motives. Great reasons for us to get to know our teammates.
But, if you’re tempted by the power knowing your teammates more deeply will give you, please don’t read this post.
Improper motives
We all know data is powerful and with great power comes great responsibility.
As learn more details about the people you work with, you will know them at a different, more intimate level. You can use this information to support and build trust with other team members.
Or, you can use it to get them to do something you want them to do, to manipulate them in some way. That is something the Skillful Politician I wrote about in the post, “How to Avoid the Temptations of The Skillful Politician.” would do.
Please don’t do this.
As your teammates trust you with more information about themselves, I implore you to honor them. Prove to them you are a teammate and a leader they can trust.
Why the sermon?
Excuse me while I step down from the pulpit.
I may have sounded a bit preachy, but I’ve got some passion around this topic.
Why?
Because I’m just as susceptible as you are (probably more so) to make the mistake of using what I know for my own good and not the benefit of the team.
So, from here on, we’re going to assume we’re both going to follow this guideline.
If you learn something about a teammate, use that information only for their good and the good of the team.
So, I may have you wondering what I’m talking about. Am I suggesting you start stalking your teammates? Either in person or online?
Of course not.
Spy tactics are not required
You don’t need advanced surveillance training to know your teammates.
It’s actually quite simple.
Two steps will get you started.
Step 1 – Pause and think about what you already know about your teammates.
Step 2 – Plan how you might learn more about them through normal conversations.
It does take a little practice and some intentionality.
That may be why too many people don’t know their teammates very well at all.
They work alongside them for hours at a time. Maybe even for weeks, or months, or even years.
And, they don’t know much about who they are as unique individuals. As real people with real lives beyond the project work of the team.
Sad isn’t it?
But, it doesn’t have to be like this for you and me.
By listening to regular conversations, asking good questions, and paying attention, you can build a treasure chest of valuable information to enable you to serve your teammates.
So let’s get to the practical ways to get to know your teammates through easy Top 3 lists.
How Top 3 lists can help you know your teammates
How can simple Top 3 lists help you know your team members better?
Here’s the process.
Think of 3 things you know or could know about a person in a particular category.
That’s the action you need to take.
Like I said it’s simple.
Of course, there’s nothing magical about the number 3. You can make a list of 5 or 7 or 97.
But I’ve been amazed at how knowing only 3 things about a person in a particular area has allowed me to connect with them. And, then serve them better.
Let me give you an example with a personal story that had a big impact on me.
An example – Top 3 Food Preferences
This is a real-life example of the power of one simple Top 3 list to know about a teammate.
What they eat
It may seem trivial at first, but my personal experience has taught me it’s not trivial at all.
In fact, I’ve had the privilege of being able to serve my teammates better simply by knowing their Top 3 food preferences.
What people do and don’t eat is important
Take just a moment to think about this basic Top 3 list for your teammates.
What do your teammates like to eat? Or what can they not eat for some reason (religion, allergies, whatever).
Have you thought about it before? You probably have.
You likely already know this information for some folks on your team. But maybe not for everyone.
Do you think you could learn that information if you paid more attention? Or, if you asked them?
Of course you could. By why would this matter?
Why would knowing a teammate’s Top 3 Food Preferences help you be a better teammate to them?
Let me share a personal story with you.
No lunch is no good – A story of a hungry coworker
It was my first business trip with a new company and a new coworker. We were in another state visiting a supplier for the day.
I hadn’t known the people from the other company very long, but it was obvious they were kind, good-hearted individuals.
The same was true for my teammate. He’s a great guy. We’ve now been friends for a couple of decades.
But, back then, I didn’t know much about him. And, I definitely didn’t know his food preferences.
But on that day I learned what he could and couldn’t eat. And, I’ll never forget it.
We were in an all-day meeting so they brought in lunch for the group.
Pizza.
Everybody’s eats pizza right?
Nope.
Not everyone eats pizza with pork on it.
And, as the lid was lifted on box after box, the awkward reality became apparent.
That’s all we had. There were no vegetarian or pork-free options to be found.
None.
In other words, no lunch for my coworker.
Now, my teammate didn’t make a big deal about it. In fact, he didn’t say a word and tried not to let anyone know.
Finally, one of our hosts realized what had happened and awkwardly scrambled to find something for my friend to eat that day.
Uncomfortable for everyone, right?
Uncomfortable is an understatement.
But, this one incident made me a better teammate and a better leader for years to come.
How that story impacted me as a teammate
But, from that day on I tried my best to make sure that never happened again. To this particular friend or to any other teammate with dietary restrictions.
Because I knew the number 1 item on my coworker’s Top 3 Food Preferences, I did everything I could to let our future hosts know the food preferences and restrictions for those on our team.
Without exception they appreciated knowing what they should and shouldn’t include in the meals they provided.
And, you can be sure when I order lunch for a group I include some vegetarian options.
This one piece of information about this teammate (and now many others as I’ve applied this lesson with all my coworkers) allowed me to be a better teammate.
I was able to serve them better and help them be more successful on the team.
Because no teammate is at their best when they don’t get any lunch.
Other applications
Let’s apply this one simple Top 3 list example further. It doesn’t only apply to selecting food during meetings.
How else might you be able to serve your teammates better by knowing their Top 3 Food Preferences?
- Recognition – Don’t buy a gift card to the local steak house to show you appreciate your vegetarian teammate’s hard work on the project.
- Team events – Inviting a couple of coworkers over to your house for dinner? Surprise them with their favorite dish you’ve heard them talk about.
- Celebrations – Not sure where your team would like to celebrate after you deliver a big milestone? Knowing what they love to eat will make your planning much easier and the event more memorable.
See how this works? Are your mental wheels turning with ideas of more Top 3 lists you can use to know your teammates better?
Let me give me you a few more examples to further stimulate your thinking.
More Top 3 lists to help you know your teammates
Here are some Top 3 lists I’ve found useful to know my teammates at a more personal level and be more connected with them.
Top 3 ways this person spends their time
What does your teammate do outside of work? Are they raising kids, going to school, caring for aging parents? How might this impact what they need from you as a teammate?
Top 3 family members
Who does this person call family? Are they married, have children, love pets? What dynamics does this introduce for them as you serve alongside them?
Top 3 things you know about this person’s childhood
Where did this person grow up? Were they a city kid or did they learn their work skills on the farm? What might you learn from them given their unique upbringing?
Top 3 communication preferences
Does your teammate prefer an email or a phone call? I’ve learned many pastors and realtors leave their phones on all night for emergencies. Texting them at night will wake them up. That’s a good thing to know.
Top 3 energizers / de-energizers
What boosts your teammates energy level and what brings them down? Do they need more time alone to perform at their highest level? Or does being in a group setting bring out the best in them?
Knowledge is power
See how powerful knowing even simple things about the people on your team can be?
The more we know about our teammates, the better we can serve them.
Our connection with them is strengthened. And, our ability to empathize with them grows.
Whether our teammates are our peers or those we are leading, knowing them will help us be a better team member for them.
We increase our power to serve with kindness and confidence with each piece of knowledge we gather about our teammates.
Knowing our teammates at any level is a great privilege.
And, with this privilege comes great opportunity and responsibility.
May we serve our teammates well as we know them better through each interaction we have with them.
Let’s lead with kindness and confidence.
Greg
Discussion Questions
- What other Top 3 lists do you recommend to get to know our teammates?
- How have you been able to serve your teammates better by knowing them at a deeper level?
Did this post help you serve your teammates more effectively? I’d love to get your feedback. Please share your experiences in the comments section so we can learn together.
