How To Keep Your Team From Being Just Like You

Did you do a double-take when you read the title, “How To Keep Your Team From Being Just Like You?”

Aren’t leaders supposed to show those who follow them how things should be done? Don’t we want the people who admire the leadership skills we work so hard to perfect to do what we do?

Yes and no.

In my blog post, “A Hidden Danger Of Being A Respected Leader. How To Avoid This Trap.” I explain how dangerous it can be when the people you lead do what you do.

I know it sounds counterintuitive, but that’s why respected leaders like you have to be on guard for the subtle and hidden traps that comes with leading well.

To be the best leader you can be and keep your team performing to their potential, you have to fight the urge to let your team do things your way.

It is critical to help your teammates realize that copying you isn’t what is best for you, for them, or for the organization.

If I recall one of my leadership training courses accurately, Michael Keaton tried that once and it didn’t work out so well.

Don’t tell my accountant

When I said “leadership training course” what I really meant was the movie, “Multiplicity“.

And, I’m pretty sure if I’m writing about it in this blog, then I can include it as a tax deduction.

My accountant and I will need to have that discussion before April.

For those of you who haven’t seen this classic, you’re missing out. Here’s the trailer to give you the background.

As the clip says, “Doug Kinney is about to get the one thing he needs more of… himself”.

If you’ve seen the movie, you know more Doug Kinney’s was not a good thing.

And, I’m sorry to give you the bad news, but more you’s (or me’s) is not a good thing for our teams either.

Your team doesn’t need another you

Was that loud whooshing sound I just heard your ego rapidly deflating?

Or was it mine?

It may be hard to hear that our team only needs one of us, but it’s the truth.

Even if we’re the best leaders we can possibly be, a leader everyone wants to emulate, there should only be one of us.

Doug Kinney learned this lesson the hard way.

Propagating your imperfections

As Doug created more and more clones, each one carried with them a part of the original Doug Kinney.

The same thing happens when those who follow us do things just like we do them.

They copy the good and the bad.

No one is perfect

I don’t think anyone reading this blog would claim they are perfect. And if that’s true of us, it’s true of the way we lead our teams.

Our techniques and our strategies may be very good, but they still have flaws.

Just like we do.

When others are following our example and doing things just as we would do them, they are propagating the imperfections we have included in our techniques. With the positives they have learned from us, our teammates have also learned negatives.

Copying us means copying a flawed leader. Duplicating our ways duplicates imperfections.

This reality shouldn’t discourage us from wanting others to follow our example. It should, however, drive us to be transparent and honest with those who are seeking to do things they way we do them.

This reminds me of a story from my youth.

If he only knew the truth

I did some things pretty well as a kid. My grades were good. Being in a small town gave me the opportunity to have some athletic success. Big fish in a little pond as the saying goes. I did my best to treat others well. Good morals. To outside observers I was a pretty good kid.

I remember a well-intentioned teacher and coach telling me that he wanted his boys to grow up to be “just like me”. While I was encouraged by his comment, I remember thinking then, even as a teenager, “If he only knew the truth…”

He didn’t know all that I knew about my own failings and flaws. For all the good things his boys might do if they copied me, there were even more shortcomings they would have as well.

If you only knew the truth

This is still true for me now as an adult with decades of experience leading others. Others may think they want to do things exactly as I do them, but if they only knew how many imperfections and shortcomings they get along with the good stuff, they may want to reconsider.

You may feel the same way.

I don’t think this is imposter syndrome or false humility. It’s just reality. (For more on that topic, I encourage you to read my post, “Can I Be Humble And Successful On A Team?“)

Every one of us knows more about our own failings and flaws than those who observe our behavior.

How To Keep Your Team From Being Just Like You

So, what can we do to combat this danger that comes with being a respected leader others seek to emulate?

Here are a three things I recommend.

1. Highlight the concerns you have with your approach

One of the easiest ways to prevent others from propagating the imperfections in your way of doing things is to talk openly about the flaws in your approach.

Here’s a real-life example from my world.

I was talking to a colleague last week about a project. We were discussing the best technique to use to manage the work and communicate progress to the larger team.

During our conversation, we openly critiqued the various methods we might use. Even though we each had tools we liked and disliked and had used successfully in the past, we felt comfortable challenging one another and debating the merits of the different ways of accomplishing our goal.

In the past, this person has told me he considers me a mentor and looks to me for guidance on how to lead teams.

If we had not had an open conversation where he heard me explain why “my way” of doing things had drawbacks, he might have used a tool he had seen me use successfully many times. He may have done this only because he wanted to do what he had seen me do.

Without this discussion, he would have been unaware of the flaws and challenges I’ve experienced with my approach.

To give credit to my colleague in this real-world example, he would not have just followed my lead. He is a rock star when it comes to emulating leaders but not following them blindly without applying his own experience and talent.

But not all people are like this.

Many will simply do what they see their trusted leader doing without considering if there is a better way.

Before we move to my second recommendation, would you please reread the line in bold above?

Take a quick moment to consider the term “my approach”.

It reveals a mindset and a potential obstacle we need to address.

2. Separate your techniques from you as a person

Think about what comes along with using the term “my approach” when describing how you or I might typically do something.

The phrase “my approach” intimately connects how we do things with who we are.

It reflects that we own this way of doing something. We have an emotional investment in it.

So, to criticize the technique we use is to criticize us.

If a teammate were to criticize what we have labeled as “my approach” they would likely feel they are criticizing us as an individual, as a person.

If a teammate is following us and wanting to do what we do, it may not be easy for them to criticize us even if the feedback is constructive and positive.

To free our team members from feeling this pressure, we can try to avoid language that ties our identities to the things we do and how we do them.

We can also make it clear that we don’t take criticism of our way of doing things personally.

A simple statement like this can go a long way to avoiding this trap that comes with being a respected leader.

I’ve used this spreadsheet for years, but I don’t have any personal attachment to it. And, honestly, there are some issues with how it works. If there’s a better way to do the analysis, we should give it a try.

By inviting new ways of doing things, we are giving permission to those on our teams to share their input even when it is different from our proven approach.

In a conversational and subtle way, we are encouraging our teammates to not be just like us.

Being subtle like this is a good approach at times. But, I encourage all leaders to practice being bold in supporting others who are not copies of themselves.

3. Advocate for diversity

Kind and confident leaders are bold and intentional when it comes to advocating for diversity and inclusion.

When your teammates observe you consistently working to increase the diversity on your teams and throughout your organization, they will know you value perspectives that differ from your own.

They will know you want to have people on your team who don’t look like you. Who don’t think like you. People who have backgrounds nothing like your own.

Leading as a visible and vocal advocate for diversity sends a very clear and powerful message to your team.

It says, don’t be just like me. Be just like you!

At the core of a diverse and inclusive team is a belief that each person has a unique set of skills and talents to contribute to the overall team.

Our individual experiences and perspectives make us valuable.

To be an exact copy of a leader we respect and admire is to limit the impact we can have.

By encouraging each member of our team to understand and embrace who they are as individuals we can maximize the effectiveness of each person and the team.

A diverse and inclusive team will always outperform a group of leader-clones. Even if the original leader is outstanding.

Better teammates aren’t just like you

While having more than one of us on a team might seem like a good idea at first, like it did to Doug Kinney, but it’s not what’s best. It’s not best for you or for your teammates.

I encourage you to grab a pen and a notebook and some popcorn and learn this leadership lesson from Michael Keaton.

And, save the receipt just in case your accountant says it’s deductible.

Let’s lead with kindness and confidence.

Greg