Be more confident by assuming I’m wrong?
Wait a minute. You’re probably thinking that makes no sense at all. People who think they’re wrong aren’t typically confident. And, for that matter, they shouldn’t be.
After all, they’re wrong!
I hear what you’re saying. And, I respectfully disagree.
I’ll explain why in this post and offer seven ways you can be more confident as a leader by assuming you’re wrong.
But, I’m going to let you in on a little secret about myself first.
The reality about being wrong
Here’s the little secret about me.
I am always wrong.
And, so are you.
At some level, every one of us is wrong about everything we believe.
That statement may shock you and you may adamantly disagree, so let me explain what I mean.
Wrong at some level
Pick a belief you think there is no possible way you are wrong about.
It doesn’t matter the topic or subject area. Just pick something you are absolutely convinced you are right about.
Got it in your mind?
Great.
Now imagine if I were to ask you to explain every nuance and detail of that belief, all the intricacies of that thing you know you are 100% right about.
Do you know absolutely everything about it?
If we were to discuss the topic for hours with a probing curiosity to uncover and consider the deepest elements of that belief, do you think you would find something you don’t fully understand? Would you come to realize you could learn more on the topic?
And, even if you did convince yourself you knew everything there is to know, do you know how to perfectly apply the knowledge you have? Not in theory, but in real life. In every circumstance and every situation. And, not just for you, but for others as well, in their unique situations?
Do you think you might be wrong about some aspect of what you believe? Maybe just a little bit?
By now, you’re most likely getting my point. And, you better understand my statement that, from this perspective I described at least, we are all always wrong about everything.
You may be thinking the mental exercise we just went through was my attempt to “put you in your place” as the saying goes.
And, you are correct. That was exactly my intent, but in a good way.
Putting us in our place
My point in taking you (and me) through these questions is not to “put you in your place” in a demeaning way. To make you feel incompetent and ill-equipped to be a leader.
Not at all. It was actually just the opposite.
I wanted to “put you in your place” as an encouragement and to help you be more confident as a leader. Because the place we belong is a place where we can be successful in serving our teammates.
Knowing the reality of our limitations and our proper place in the world will give us confidence in ourselves and empathy with others.
Our proper place is not in the role of an omniscient, all-knowing leader for our teams.
We don’t know everything about everything. This means we are going to be wrong at times. And, we’re going to be wrong all the time at some level.
The same is true for the teammates we lead, our peers, and those who lead us.
We are all wrong in some way all the time.
And, acknowledging that reality can be a relieving realization that makes us much more confident.
Admit we’re wrong to be more confident
Once we acknowledge the reality that we can always learn more about any topic and it’s application, we gain a freedom that brings confidence.
How ridiculous would it be to boldly proclaim something like this?
[Insert your name here]
- Knows everything there is to know on this topic.
- Cannot learn any more on the subject.
- Has envisioned every possible scenario and potential outcome of applying this knowledge.
- Therefore, [insert your name here] cannot possibly be wrong in any way.
Imagine how embarrassed we would be if someone announced that about us.
Yet, in all sorts of situations, we struggle to admit we might be wrong.
At least, I do anyway.
We place a tremendous amount of pressure on ourselves to meet the unattainable expectation that we must be completely right before offering our opinion, making a decision, or taking action.
This pressure to meet a laughable standard of perfection hinders our ability to lead others well. It prevents us from leading with confidence.
In contrast, admitting we don’t know everything empowers us to be more confident.
This is a much more effective approach, in part because it is based on how things actually are, not on how we would like them to be.
In other words, reality.
And, once we’ve established the reality of our situation, we can be more confident by assuming we are always going to be at least a little bit wrong.
Let’s talk about how this foundational assumption that we may be wrong can make us more confident and help us lead our teams to successfully deliver results.
7 ways assuming you’re wrong will make you more confident
Confidence comes from successfully delivering results and helping others do the same.
When you start with an assumption you’re wrong, you will see results by applying this approach in these seven ways. With each positive outcome you observe, you will be more and more confident as a leader.
Assuming you’re wrong…
1. Invites input from others
When you admit you might be wrong, others feel the freedom to speak up.
2. Stimulates experimentation
Experiments, by nature, aren’t guaranteed to be successful. The hypothesis may be wrong and must be proven.
3. Prompts risk management
Knowing you might be wrong, causes you to plan for the potential scenarios and failures.
4. Sparks creativity
If your idea isn’t perfect, an even better solution is out there waiting to be discovered.
5. Weakens the power of perfectionism
Perfectionism assumes you must be exactly right. The pressure to be flawless can cripple leaders and teams.
6. Builds relationship
Admitting you are wrong, makes you approachable. Others will want to know you and learn from you.
7. Promotes civil dialogue
Openly admitting your position may have gaps or flaws creates an environment for open, productive discussions even with those who hold an opposing view.
It’s not only you who will be more confident
These practical applications of the fundamental belief that you are wrong don’t just apply to you as a leader. They apply to your teammates as individuals and to your team collectively.
So, when I use the term, “you”, I’m referring not only to you, but to your team and the individuals you lead as well.
Your actions and your words to acknowledge you’re wrong demonstrate humility and set the tone for your entire organization.
Admitting you’re wrong and pursuing the techniques above are acts of leadership. This mindset will enable you to lead your teammates in a way they appreciate and will seek to emulate. And, the seven techniques above will generate positive results.
Read the seven statements above and consider if they support the leadership behaviors you believe will produce successful teams.
In my experience, these seven techniques will foster innovation, inclusivity, accountability, and high levels of performance.
The seven steps will create a culture that will build your confidence and the confidence of every member of your team.
But, leading well by doing the things that bring exceptional results is rarely easy.
And, admitting you are wrong is no exception.
Embrace the discomfort and become more confident
Writing these seven techniques to be more confident by admitting you’re wrong was the easy part for me. Putting them into practice in my own life takes far more effort.
I suspect it won’t be easy or comfortable for you either.
Being wrong and admitting it to others is not comfortable.
Admitting we’re wrong isn’t easy
Admitting we’re wrong, or even that we might be wrong, is not easy.
And, it’s harder for some of us than it is for others. Maybe the struggle is due to our personality. Or, our challenges in this area might be the result of our past experiences and environments.
I get it. I struggle with admitting I’m wrong too.
You may recall from my post, You Don’t Have To Be Perfect To Be Ideal, that I am a recovering perfectionist. I want to get things right and have the correct and accurate perspective all the time.
But, the truth is I’m not right all the time. Nor am I perfect. And, you aren’t either. Despite what our egos would like us to believe.
It’s humbling to say we don’t know all the answers and can’t solve all the problems that confront us and our teams.
Start where you feel safe
I encourage you to take small steps at first and find safe spaces to admit you’re wrong. Build your confidence in this area with those you trust.
You may even want tell them what you’re doing and request their support. Being vulnerable with those closest to you may inspire them to be more vulnerable with you in return as they get more comfortable recognizing and admitting where they are wrong too.
Then, as you are more confident in your closest relationships, try applying these techniques more broadly.
Experiment as you become more confident
In my experience, I’ve seen the positive results of these techniques in all sorts of environments.
This approach will bring success and make you more confident as a leader in your career, your home, and your community.
In whatever situation you are seeking to lead, remembering you are wrong, at least in some way, will make you more confident.
And, remember, you won’t get it right the first time. Or the second time. Or ever.
You will always be wrong to some degree and that mindset will give you the confidence to persevere.
Let’s lead with kindness and confidence.
Greg
Discussion Question
- What keeps you from admitting you are wrong? To yourself and to your team?
Please share your answer in the comments section so we can learn together.
