She was hurrying down the aisle of the crowded exhibition hall when our eyes met. She slowed her pace just slightly, then she stopped.
I introduced myself and we began to talk.
Jen’s story is fascinating.
But the encouraging conversation that I’ll share more about in a moment almost didn’t happen.
Why?
For the same reason we can work beside our coworkers for weeks, months, even years without really getting to know them.
Why We Don’t Really Know Our Coworkers
You’ve likely read the same reports I have about how workers are feeling increasingly isolated and lonely in their jobs.
But you don’t need the studies to know that’s true.
Just take a moment to think about how current you are with what’s going on in the lives of your coworkers. Even those you’re closest to.
The guy on your team who told you a few weeks back that he and his wife are trying to sell their house. How’s that going for him and his wife? Have they had any offers? Are they discouraged about the progress? Or are they about to close and excitedly planning their move across town to their new home with the nursery for their first baby? Was it a boy or a girl they’re expecting?
How about the new woman who joined the team last month? (Or was it two months ago? Or three?) How’s she doing?
And it’s not just our coworkers who are feeling disconnected. We have those feelings too.
When was the last time someone at work asked how your dad’s doing? Caring for an aging parent can be a long, hard path to walk and the mental burden doesn’t leave you just because you’re at the office.
Knowing a coworker cares about what you’re going through and sincerely wants to know how you’re doing can make those difficult days a little more bearable.
We all want that kind of support. And most of us want to offer it to others too.
So what gets in our way?
Just like Jen, we’re all in a hurry.
We’re hustling to get where we need to go and do what needs to be done.
The pace of business feels relentless.
And we’re all doing our best to keep up.
Moving quickly and efficiently is necessary and required to meet the obvious needs of our customers and our employees.
But as humans, our customers and our employees have another need that can sometimes go unseen and unmet.
We All Need Personal Connection
Every person has an innate need to be connected to other people.
We’re wired for relationship.
Personal connection strengthens us. This is true for the deep relationships we have with our families and dearest friends. And it’s true for the less intimate relationships with coworkers and even new acquaintances.
As an example, let’s go back to my experience with Jen last week.
My wife, Kiersten, and I had a booth at the Texas State Homeschool Convention in the Houston area. We were there to share our Beast to Blanket Fiber Arts Curriculum and build relationships for our Pemberley Woolworks business.
Jen was also an exhibitor there.
She’s a retired veterinarian who now writes a children’s book series called Rooster and Squid. And she’s a wonderful human being.
Kiersten and I were encouraged and energized by Jen even though we spent very little time with her.
We had that first conversation at our booth when she paused as she hurried by. After that we had a brief text message exchange and a few short chats as we passed in the hallway.
We didn’t have in-depth discussions about our deepest secrets.
We talked about our animals, our businesses, and our life journeys. And how our introverted selves couldn’t wait to sit down and have some quiet time to recharge for the next day of peopling.
The connection Kiersten and I made with Jen and the natural interactions we had with her encouraged and strengthened us as we were doing our work.
As I reflected on how that encounter came to be, I realized that we took several intentional steps that you can apply as a leader in your business to build connection and relationships with the people you work with.
3 Simple Steps You Can Take to Connect with Your Coworkers
1. Create a Welcoming Environment
Kiersten and I designed our booth to create an environment where people felt encouraged to pause and observe.
Kiersten spun wool into yarn with her spinning wheel continuously during the entire 3 days of the convention. (Yes, her level of skill and endurance is remarkable!)
She did this because people are mesmerized by the motion and mechanics of the process. They want to be still and watch her do her thing.
They also want to ask questions and have a conversation.
She gently smiles to communicate that she’s inviting them to interact with her.
Even though they’re on an urgent mission to visit all the booths on their list and have no time to spare, they find themselves pausing.
They relax just a little even though they’re surrounded by the noise and chaos of a huge exhibitor hall packed with hundreds of people.
They enjoy the moment and their heartbeat slows.
They connect with strangers as they chat about what they see.
Kiersten’s spinning creates a refreshing oasis experience for people.
You don’t have to have a spinning wheel at your desk to serve people this way in your business.
Maybe you’re the one who has the candy dish at your desk, where everyone in the office stops to get a treat in the middle of the afternoon and to hear the encouraging words you offer them every time they come by.
They say they’re there for the candy, but you know the human interaction you’re giving them is what they really value.
That candy you’re giving them costs you money, but those short chats require you to invest your time as well. And that’s an even more valuable asset.
So, it’s wise to be intentional about how you invest your time to build connections and relationships.
2. Use Your Calendar as a Tool for Connecting with People
If you’re like me, your calendar can get completely filled with activities that are focused on accomplishing tasks.
That’s good in the short-term for getting things done, but a packed schedule doesn’t allow time for building relationships with people.
And that takes time.
You have to spend time interacting with your coworkers to get to know them and support them.
Kiersten and I would not have met Jen, or the hundreds of other people we interacted with last week, if we hadn’t invested our time to be there. Or if we were working on our phones as they walked by our booth.
We had to intentionally schedule time to connect with people.
I encourage you to take a similar approach.
Build time into your schedule to make room for spending time with people.
That may look like scheduling one-on-ones with your direct reports or simply holding a few minutes every day to give you the time you need to talk with people who stop by to catch up.
Whatever approach you take, protecting your schedule so you can spend time connecting with your coworkers is a solid short and long-term investment.
Here’s another easy way to use your calendar as a tool to build relationships with people.
Set reminders so you can follow up on the events that are important in the lives of others.
When someone tells you their son is going off to college in a month and they’re anxious about it, set a reminder for that date so you can check in on them.
Remembering the first anniversary of a coworker’s loss can be an encouraging act of compassion for them as they move through the grieving process.
These are just a couple of practical ways to stimulate your thinking.
3. Be Curious
Finally, I encourage you to simply be curious and genuinely interested in learning about other people.
I am constantly amazed at how fascinating people are. And I’m equally amazed at how often we miss easy opportunities to learn about the interesting people around us.
Often it only takes one question to unlock a fascinating discovery about another person.
This happened time and time again last week at the convention.
I learned the details about Jen’s journey from a veterinarian to a children’s book author because I asked her to tell me more about what she was doing at the convention.
I discovered that one of the leaders of the convention was also a design engineering director for Lockheed Martin.
A data analyst from the UK told me how he works for a software startup company and has lived in 48 states with his wife, 3 kids, a dog and a cat.
A woman told me how she’s a podcast host, operates a print shop, and runs their farm with her husband after their military service.
I could go on and on with the life stories I heard last week.
These folks graciously shared their experiences with me and I’m grateful.
I hope they were encouraged as I listened to them.
You can have this same enriching experience for yourself and support your coworkers too.
Just invite them to share what’s going on in their lives and listen with genuine curiosity.
It really is that simple.
Since You Couldn’t Be at Our Booth Last Week
To close, I want to give you the opportunity to experience a little of what the visitors to our Beast to Blanket booth saw last week.
Here’s a short video of Kiersten at her spinning wheel.
You can see more on the Beast to Blanket website.
And I am sincerely interested in learning more about you and your life. I’d love to know how you would answer these questions.
What makes you unique as a person?
What kind of things are you into?
What do you like to do?
Shoot me a quick reply to one of those questions if you’re up for it. I read every email response myself and reply to as many as I can.
It would be a privilege to get to know you a little bit better.
Helping you lead with clarity and confidence,
Greg
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Greg Harrod
Greg Harrod is a Business Coach and Strategic Communications Partner. Follow GregHarrod.com to learn how you can build clear communication, aligned teams, and simple rhythms so your business runs smoothly. Greg will help you learn how to go from daily firefighting to calm, confident leadership by sharing his 30+ years of experience leading teams and businesses.
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