I’m sure you spend a lot of time writing emails. Everyone does it seems. Why not make every email you send more polite and effective?
And, if polite doesn’t seem important when it comes to writing emails, let me tell you a story that I hope changes your mind.
Mark’s story
This is a true story about a friend I’ll call Mark.
Mark is a fantastic worker. He is highly talented and always eager to help others. Mark likes helping people in general and he especially likes supporting his teammates.
People continually recognize Mark’s outstanding work and they go to him for guidance and support.
Most of the time, when they want help, Mark’s teammates send him an email.
And, those emails. They can be a problem.
Tone is important
In a private conversation Mark confided in me. He told me the emails he was getting from his coworkers were a bit discouraging.
It wasn’t the content of the email that was dragging him down. It was the way they were worded. The tone the senders used.
And, the discouragement started with the greeting.
Mark admitted it might just be him. Maybe no one else felt this way.
But to him, when he opened an email and the very first word was just his name, “Mark”, it felt cold and harsh.
And, often, the discouragement from the email got worse as he kept reading.
It wasn’t just the greeting that bummed Mark out.
There was more that bothered him.
Command language
Even after Mark got past the abrupt start of the emails, he was still faced with language that made it more difficult for him to do what was being requested of him.
Well, actually, that was the problem.
The people who were asking Mark for help weren’t requesting. They were commanding.
And, that was hard for Mark. Not because Mark doesn’t like being told what to do by those in authority. Mark isn’t that type of person. These commands made it more challenging for Mark to provide support to those who sent the email, because he didn’t report to them.
This wasn’t Mark’s manager who was telling him what to do. These were Mark’s peers and colleagues.
So, what did Mark do when he received these emails with a cold, abrupt greeting that transitioned quickly to demands for support?
Mark did what they asked. Because that was part of his job.
That’s the kind of person Mark is.
But, it did impact him. And not in a positive way.
Mark is not a complainer
Before you view Mark as a person who lets himself be bullied through rude and harsh emails, let me clarify.
Technically, there really wasn’t any thing wrong with the language Mark’s teammates were using to communicate. They were professional and to the point.
And, Mark wasn’t griping.
Mark isn’t a complainer. He isn’t one who is easily offended. In fact, I consider Mark to be an Ideal Team Player to borrow Patrick Lencioni’s term. (Click here for more Ideal Team Player resources.)
He is gracious and kind and serves others with compassion.
Mark took responsibility and ownership for how he was feeling when he read these emails. He acknowledged that maybe his interpretation of the greeting was his issue based on his culture and previous experience.
Or, perhaps he was just being too sensitive.
That’s why Mark was confiding in me.
He was concerned that his morale and his productivity were being negatively affected by these emails. And, Mark didn’t want that.
As we discussed his situation, including his reaction to the emails he received, Mark gave me some valuable insight. Insight that I have strived to implement in every email I’ve written since Mark shared his experience with me.
Mark helped me and now I want to help you with these easy tips to use in every email you write so they are more polite and effective.
3 Simple Tips For Polite And Effective Email
Mark’s conversation with me gave me tremendous insight into just how impactful each email we send to a team member can be. I’ve summarized what Mark shared with me in three simple tips.
You can easily apply each of these immediately. They are easy and they can make a big difference in the attitudes of your teammates.
1. Start with a polite greeting
I’ve got to admit, Mark got my attention with this one.
It honestly never occurred to me that someone might respond differently to a professional email that started with a more friendly greeting than one that just started with the person’s name.
Throughout my career, I’ve sent thousands of emails to individual coworkers and the greeting was the person’s name and a comma. “Mark,” “Serena,” “Angie,”. Name. Comma. That’s it.
I had no idea that this was perceived as abrupt and cold by some.
Until Mark told me how it made him feel. And, I’m sure he’s not the only one.
So now I sprinkle in a variety of introductions. Here are a few examples you might want to try.
- Hi, Greg.
- Hello, Kathleen,
- Good morning, Ebony!
- G’day, Oscar.
- Greetings, friend.
- Dear Mrs. Gump:
- Hi there, Bob.
- Wazzup, dude!!! (totally kidding on this one)
Pick what works for you and your situation
Some of these might be a good fit for your personal style. Others may not.
Personally I wouldn’t use all of these examples. Especially that last one.
Your culture and organizational norms should influence your choice of greetings. This is an excellent opportunity to apply a Diversity and Inclusion mindset and consider the perspective of the recipient of your email.
Be willing to experiment
There may be some greetings on this list that may not seem professional enough for you. I would encourage you to consider if “professional” might be interpreted as rigid, stuffy, and overly formal by some on your team.
Perhaps you could experiment with using some of the greetings that make you a little uncomfortable and get feedback from teammates you trust.
You may find your use of less formal greetings introduces an increased level of humanity to your communication and sparks greater engagement from some of your teammates.
After my conversation with Mark, I’ve used several greetings that didn’t feel comfortable to me. I’ve experimented and tried different approaches.
I’m doing my best to apply my own advice I gave in the post, “The Most Important Thing To Get Right With Emails.”
It’s not easy to remember that I should be seeking to serve others, not myself, with each email I send. But, I’m trying.
By making each email more polite and effective, I am doing what I can to better support my team.
What about the punctuation?
And, just curious.
How many of you were bothered by the assortment of punctuations I included in the example greetings?
Until I wrote this post, I struggled to know how to properly punctuate an email greeting. As I did my research for this post, I found this helpful article, “Email Salutations: Formal or Informal? Comma or Colon?” by Kathleen Watson.
Here’s what she wrote.
That little gem of knowledge is going to save me a few seconds with each email I write. I no longer have to hesitate when I start typing an email. And, I love saving time.
So, with this first tip and the bonus punctuation guidance, you’re all set to make every email you write even more polite and, therefore, more effective.
Next, we need to consider the language we use when requesting support from a teammate.
2. Ask don’t tell
In general, I consider an approach of asking to be more effective than telling any time I would like someone to do a task for me.
Let’s be honest. Right or wrong, no one really likes to be told what to do.
We’re all more likely to do something for someone if they ask us.
And, the reality is only those who are in a formal position of authority over us have the power to tell us what to do.
So, it is important we remember to ask, not tell, others what we would like them to help us with when we send an email request.
Mark told me that a simple change of the language of a request for support to actually be a request and not a command would have made a world of difference to him.
Did Mark still fulfill the request / command? Did he do the work that needed to be done?
Yes.
But, was Mark as productive as he could have been?
No. He was investing mental energy trying to have the right attitude while doing the work.
He was burning calories that could have been invested doing the task with more creativity in less time.
A simple change of the phrase would have made a big difference to Mark.
Consider this simple example.
The “tell” approach
Mark,
I need this done by tomorrow afternoon.
It’s clear, concise, and straight to the point. But, it’s a command not a request.
Here’s another approach.
The “ask” approach
Hi, Mark.
Could you do this by tomorrow afternoon?
This request is actually a request. Like it should be in most cases.
Back to punctuation
A simple check you can apply when you’re emailing someone a request for help is to look at the punctuation you use.
If the sentence you write in your email to request support ends with a period, it’s not a request. It’s a command.
And, an email commanding your teammate to do something is not very polite and won’t be very effective.
Make sure you end your requests for support with a question mark if it’s really a request.
And, unless you have formal authority over the recipient of your email, your request for support should be just that. A request.
So, remember.
Use a question mark when emailing a teammate to ask them for support.
Ask even when you don’t have to
I suggest that even when you do have formal authority over a person, it is still better to ask not tell.
Here’s why.
First, requests are better received than commands as I noted earlier. But, more importantly, you give the person who reports to you the opportunity to have a conversation with you so you are better informed of the ramifications of them fulfilling your request.
Asking creates an opportunity for dialogue and learning
Let’s go back to the simple example from earlier. You might send Mark this request for assistance.
The ask
Hi, Mark.
Could you do this by tomorrow afternoon?
Here are some possible replies you might receive to this request.
The replies
Hi, Greg.
I can definitely do that by tomorrow afternoon, but I’ll need to miss the team meeting tomorrow morning.
Is that okay?
Hello, Greg.
I think I can do that by tomorrow afternoon but it will likely require a couple of hours of overtime.
Is this worth the added cost or would finishing it the next morning be acceptable?
Hello, Greg.
Tomorrow afternoon will work if I delay the Thompkins project work slightly.
Is that the right priority?
Each of these replies helps you to be better informed and understand the consequences of Mark fulfilling your request.
A command instead of a request would have prevented you from receiving valuable input in each of these scenarios.
Many people, like Mark, might not feel the freedom to respond to a command with anything other than a confirmation they will do what you told them to do.
And, often doing exactly what you told them to do is not a good thing.
A command may not get you what you need
By sending a command in an email, you might get the results you asked for, but not what you and your team really need.
You have talented, smart people on your team. Asking, instead of telling, them to do something provides them the freedom to share what they know with you.
No leader knows everything. We all need to invite our teammates to make us and our organizations better.
There are exceptions, but when it comes to requesting support in an email, I almost always recommend following the “Ask. Don’t Tell.” approach.
Now for the final tip. It’s one we all know. And, all need to be reminded of occasionally.
3. Use please and thank you
We’ve all been taught this since we were little kids. And, it applies to everyone at every age in every situation.
We should always be polite.
It’s good to say “please”. And, “thank you”.
Being polite brings benefits
Not only is saying please and thank you the right thing to do if we want to be kind confident leaders, but it also produces better results.
Consider this simple request to Mark from earlier.
Good
Hi, Mark.
Could you do this by tomorrow afternoon?
This request is not completely rude, but it’s not exactly polite either.
For Mark, it wasn’t positive or even neutral. It was a negative. The request was better than a command, but it was still deenergizing. Demotivating.
Mark told me that a simple please and thank you would have made all the difference to him. And, Mark is not alone.
For most people, something like this is a big improvement.
Better
Hi, Mark.
Could you please do this by tomorrow afternoon?
Thank you.
3 words can make a big difference
The addition of three words, “please” and “thank you”, would have completely changed Mark’s perspective.
This slight change of tone would have made the email much more polite and, therefore, more effective.
I expect this is true for our teammates we email to seek their assistance too. It’s true for me.
How about you?
Are you more motivated and energized to say yes when others ask you to do something and include “please”?
I believe this is true in emails as much as it is in person.
And, when someone says “thank you” after you’ve done something for them, are you more likely to want to help them another time?
I know I am.
It is amazing how much impact these three little words can have.
This tip is easy to apply. But, it’s also easy to forget.
So, I’m sharing it with you because Mark helped me remember just how important it is to be polite with every email we write.
Try these tips to support the Marks on your team
So, what do you think?
Are these tips you want to start using in your emails? Or, is it not worth the time to think about being more polite and courteous?
If you don’t think it’s important, I want you to take a moment to consider if you have a “Mark” on your team.
Is there someone who is a high-level performer and doesn’t complain?
What if you could help your Mark be even more productivity just by being a bit more thoughtful with the words you use in your emails to him?
Wouldn’t that be worth it?
And, along with increasing his productivity, you’ll also boost his morale and attitude with each polite and effective email he gets from you. That’s a very good return on your investment.
Now imagine if you have not one but two Marks on your team. Or maybe even a dozen.
The positive impact you could have on your organization just by being polite and courteous as you write your emails is massive.
I encourage you to give it a try starting today. Put these simple tips into action and see what leading with kindness and confidence in this way might do for your team and your organization.
Let’s lead with kindness and confidence.
Greg
Discussion Questions
- What do you think of Mark’s story? Was he being too sensitive or was his insight valuable to you?
- How do you create polite and effective email? What works for you?
I’m interested to learn even more ways we can positively impact people in our organizations through polite and effective email. Please share your best tips in the comments section so we can all improve.
