One Meeting Minute Thought for Your Week
You’ve heard the standard advice about how to set meeting ground rules.
And, you’ve probably been in meetings where the “cookie cutter” ground rules the leader announces clearly aren’t going to work.
In fact, they make you want to pat your coworker on the head and tell them, “How cute.”
If you want to set meeting ground rules that actually work in the real world apply these 3 principles.
🔷 Be Flexible
🔷 Be Realistic
🔷 Be Empathetic
But before we talk about those 3 principles that DO work, let’s talk about what DOESN’T work to set meeting ground rules.
Meeting ground rules that don’t work
Here are some meeting ground rules that other meeting “experts” like to expound as the magic solution to all your bad meeting problems.
They claim you must apply these rigid rules to EVERY meeting in your organization.
🫵 “No Agenda. No Attenda.”
🫵 Phones off or not in the room.
🫵 Breaks will be taken per the agenda.
🫵 Laptops must be closed during meetings.
🫵 Meetings will never be held on Wednesdays.
🫵 No meeting should ever go past the end time.
🫵 Recurring meetings can’t have more than 3 people.
🫵 All meetings will start exactly on time. No Exceptions!
Those all sound good in a blog article or a social media post. And they are hard to argue against.
The problem with these rules isn’t the intent.
The flaw is in the rigidity and oversimplification driving these “Musts”, “Nevers”, and “Can’ts”.
You know being a meeting leader (or a leader in general) isn’t this simple or easy.
Leading in the real world is complex, challenging, and requires the right mindset.
This applies to leading meetings – starting with how you think when you set meeting ground rules.
These 3 principles are a good place to start:
🔷 Be Flexible
🔷 Be Realistic
🔷 Be Empathetic
Be Flexible when you set meeting ground rules
Here’s the hard truth for you and for me.
You can read books, articles, and social media posts to learn how to set meeting ground rules.
And, you can create a perfect plan for your meeting.
But, these quotes from the military world demonstrate what you’re actually going to experience in business too.
👉 “No plan survives first contact with the enemy.” – Helmuth von Moltke the Elder, a 19th-century Prussian field marshal
👉 “Plans are worthless, but planning is everything.” – Dwight D. Eisenhower, World War II General and 34th President of the United States
When you set ground rules for meetings, you must design in flexibility and be willing to change your rules when they aren’t working.
Be Realistic when you set meeting ground rules
When you set meeting grounds rules that are overly idealistic, you’re likely to be seen in a negative light by coworkers.
Those who’ve seen the canned, simplistic techniques fail under the pressure of real-life scenarios may perceive you as inexperienced.
And, their opinion is likely based on their own painful memories. They tried this approach themselves earlier in their careers because they read somewhere that this is what you “must do to have an effective meeting”.
I know I’ve tried and failed many times in this area. (And, that’s why I’m sharing my experience with you!)
To be more realistic, temporarily set aside what you may think is the “textbook” approach.
Think about what you’ve seen work in the productive, effective meetings you’ve been in.
Ask others who’ve tried and learned for their opinions.
And, then set meeting ground rules you think will work in the real world even if they go against rigid rules you’ve heard or read.
Be Empathetic when you set meeting ground rules
Being empathetic when you set meeting ground rules is being realistic with a deeper understanding.
Empathy means being others-focused and being willing to understand what it means to walk their path.
It requires us to remove our own biases and barriers and seek to fully understand what another person’s life is like for them.
We can be more empathetic by asking ourselves this question:
“What is THEIR experience during our meeting?”
When we have an empathetic mindset, we will often realize how rigid meeting ground rules won’t create an environment for participants to be successful.
And, they won’t result in a productive, effective meeting either.
For instance…
When rigid meeting ground rules and real life collide
How does the new hire who’s been asked by his boss to take notes – not as the official meeting note taker but as a delegate for his boss – do that without his laptop when he can’t keep up using a pen and notebook?
What is your teammate who has health issues that are causing bladder problems supposed to do with a rigid “We will take breaks only at the scheduled times on the agenda.” ground rule?
Or even the guy who drank too much coffee before the meeting started (a real-life scenario I create for myself far too often!)
Or how about the single mom who has a son driving home from their out-of-state college by themselves for the first time today, a widowed mom who may or may not be released from the hospital, and a teenage daughter who panics if she doesn’t get a quick reply to her text messages to Mom?
What will she be feeling if her phone is back at her desk during the meeting?
Will she be more focused and a better contributor if she can check her personal phone occasionally during the meeting?
And, what if she happens to have a boss who expects her to answer her work phone any time he makes it ring?
Does she meet her manager’s expectations or follow your meeting ground rules?
Meeting participants are REAL people who are doing their best to navigate the REAL challenges of their REAL lives.
And, their real lives include at-work and away-from-work factors.
They’re just like you and me in many ways so remember to empathize when you set meeting ground rules.
A real world example
I conduct training sessions (also known as “meetings”) with clients to help them improve their businesses through better meetings.
Here’s a simple slide I use in those sessions to set the ground rules.
Notice how the language reflects the 3 principles (Be Flexible, Be Realistic, and Be Empathetic).
The question, “What would you add?” engages the meeting participants so they have the opportunity to participate in adjusting the ground rules before the meeting even starts.
Their involvement creates ownership and consensus.
This gives you, as the meeting leader, a tool to use if participants start behaving in a way that’s not aligned with the ground rules they helped create and agreed to at the start of the meeting.
This approach makes the often uncomfortable act of holding others accountable much easier.
I know you get it
I’m confident you can relate because you know how the real world works.
You get it.
And, you know that inflexible, universal ground rules need to be interpreted and applied so they work best for you in your unique situation.
And knowing what will work best in a specific situation requires us to continually challenge and develop our mindset.
We can do this with each meeting we lead by using these 3 principles to set the meeting ground rules.
More Resources to Help You Build Your Career and Your Business
As you can tell, I’m not a fan of rigid rules. I prefer guidelines based on principles.
I’ve captured some of my favorite Golden Guidelines for Exceptional Meetings in this graphic.
You can get a free, printable pdf version by clicking here.
If you’re fascinated by the true origins of quotes like I am, check out the Quote Investigator website I used to research the two military quotes I referenced.
👉 “Plans Are Worthless, But Planning Is Everything” (click here)
👉 “No Plan Survives First Contact With the Enemy” (click here)
As is the case with almost every quote, the origins aren’t quite as clear and simple as some people would lead you to believe.
Just like the meeting ground rules advice you often hear!
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That’s All for this Issue
I’ve said it many times before, but I’ll say it again.
Leading meetings is more about people than mechanics.
That’s why incorporating these 3 principles to set meeting ground rules is so important.
🔷 Be Flexible
🔷 Be Realistic
🔷 Be Empathetic
With these ingredients influencing your mindset, you’ll have productive, effective meetings – not because you have the perfect ground rules in place but because you’re leading people well.
Let’s lead with kindness and confidence!
Greg
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