One Meeting Minute Thought for Your Week
Being less judgmental in meetings isn’t easy but it’s an important skill for leaders to develop.
Because we’re all human and judging others based on what we THINK we know about them comes naturally.
The problem with following our natural tendencies is we’re often wrong.
And our inaccurate assessments can make meetings less productive and damage relationships.
Here are 3 tips to be less judgmental in your meetings:
- Realize you don’t know everything.
- Remember the fundamental attribution error.
- Get to know your coworkers better.
Be less judgmental by realizing you don’t know everything
In addition to working in the corporate world for over 30 years, I’ve been active in my church community for about the same amount of time and served in various leadership roles.
Early on these simple yet incredibly wise words shared with me by my pastor hit me hard.
What Pastor Don told me applies to all of us in every situation involving other people.
He told me this:
“There’s more going on than you realize.”
Pastors know things other people don’t.
People often share their deepest, darkest secrets with their spiritual leaders.
As a result, they know better than others the struggles and pains influencing how people behave.
So when I started sounding judgmental to my pastor, he recognized that he knew things I didn’t – things that would have changed my perspective and made me less judgmental.
Of course he would never disclose information shared with him in confidence so he couldn’t tell me what I didn’t know.
But he made it very clear that I did NOT have all the facts and I should be careful to not make inaccurate assumptions about other people.
His guidance is something I’ve remembered for decades and I’ve tried my best to apply it whenever I’m tempted to judge others.
So when I’m in a meeting and someone is acting grumpy or has a bad attitude, I remind myself that I don’t know what they might be struggling with.
Their dad may be on hospice care. Their son may be making decisions that could negatively impact his life forever. Or, their boss may have yelled at them right before your meeting.
I don’t have all the information.
So, I do my best to extend grace and help them contribute to accomplishing the Purpose of the meeting.
Because I know on another day in another meeting it will be my turn to have a less than stellar attitude.
And, I’ll be thankful for someone else being less judgmental and remembering they don’t have all the information about my life either.
Be less judgmental by remembering the fundamental attribution error
Let’s start with a quick explanation of the fundamental attribution error for those who may not have heard of it.
The fundamental attribution error is our tendency to attribute someone else’s actions to their character or personality while we attribute our own behaviors to external factors – things outside our control.
The reality is we can all do this at times.
And, when we’re aware of the fundamental attribution error and remember it, we can be less judgmental of others.
Here’s how we can apply this to meetings.
And I intentionally chose the word “we” because I know I need to work on this myself!
Imagine someone shows up late to your meeting.
(I realize that is probably not hard to envision because most people haven’t realized the value of scheduling gaps between meetings. If that describes your coworkers, try sharing this article with them.)
Now back to the scenario I was describing.
When that person walks in late, what thoughts enter your mind?
You may be tempted to make judgmental statements in your mind like this:
- They’re lazy.
- They don’t care.
- They’re inconsiderate.
- They can’t manage their time.
But when YOU enter a meeting after the official starting time, you might have these thoughts:
- My last meeting ran long.
- I needed to talk to my boss.
- A restroom break was a requirement!
In other words, it wasn’t MY fault I was late to the meeting. I had valid reasons for not being on time.
Please don’t get down on yourself if this happens to you.
All humans, you and me included, are subject to the fundamental attribution error.
So when we remember it, we can be less judgmental.
Avoiding the fundamental attribution error starts with better understanding our coworkers as human beings.
Be less judgmental by getting to know your coworkers
The more we know who people REALLY are, the less we’ll be tempted to judge them.
The 6 Types of Working Genius model has helped me improve in this area.
I’ve been amazed to discover what type of tasks bring people joy, energy, and fulfillment and what types of work frustrate them.
Reviewing the Working Genius assessments of my coworkers and clients revealed things about them I was completely unaware of before.
This is true even for people I’d worked with for years!
This deeper knowledge of how they’re wired allowed me to support them better instead of judging them and causing them to feel misunderstood and even rejected.
For example, let’s go back to the previous example of a person who shows up late to a meeting.
It’s possible the reason they don’t arrive on time or even early is the work that’s going to be done in this meeting is what sucks all the energy out of them – their Working Frustration in other words.
They may dread going to do an brainstorming and ideation session because Wonder and Invention are not their Working Geniuses.
Participating in a “high-altitude” meeting like this is torture for them.
No wonder they arrive late!
Having a conversation around their Working Genius assessment will help you get to know them better and equip you to invite them to the meetings where they’ll add the most value and be most productive.
Check out this previous M4 article for a deeper dive into using the Working Genius model to make different types of meetings and the people in them more productive.
More Resources to Help You Build Your Career and Your Business
If you’d like to get know your teammates better but don’t know where to start, this post I wrote will help:
🔷 How To Know Your Teammates Better With Easy Top 3 Lists (click here)
And I’m curious about something.
Did this question cross your mind as you were reading this post?
Is it “judgemental” or “judgmental?”
I admit I struggled with that question longer than I should have when I started writing this post.
If you can relate, you might also find this article interesting:
🔷 Sitting In Judgment Of The Proper Spelling: “Judgement” Or “Judgment”?
As you might imagine, it’s a British vs American thing. The British kept the extra “e” while we Americans dropped it.
But as the article explains, that isn’t the end of the story.
I found this quite interesting and you may too.
And Now a Word from Our Sponsors
Trusting others plays a large role in being less judgmental.
Dr. Henry Cloud’s latest book on trust is a resource I HIGHLY recommend.
I’ve suggested it for several clients and colleagues and they agree with my perspective. This book is life-changing – for your work and personal life.
It’s called Trust: Knowing When to Give It, When to Withhold It, How to Earn It, and How to Fix It When It Gets Broken.
Disclosure: I am an affiliate of Bookshop.org where your purchases support local bookstores. I will earn a commission if you click through and make a purchase.
That’s All for this Issue
There are many, many more ways to manage our natural tendencies to judge others, but hopefully these 3 tips to be less judgmental in your meetings will give you a good start:
- Realize you don’t know everything.
- Remember the fundamental attribution error.
- Get to know your coworkers better.
I’ll admit this is an ongoing area of development for me.
I find myself doing great in one meeting only to have a judgmental attitude return in another.
So, if that describes you too, I know how you feel.
And I appreciate your struggle and your commitment to persevere as a leader who recognizes your own humanness.
We’re on this journey together, my friend.
Let’s lead with kindness and confidence!
Greg
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