CMD 037: How To Be A Better Leader Using 3 Awkward Words

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CMD 023: How To Have Career Success Through Compassion – Dr. Nate Regier

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I suspect you did and may not have even realized it.

That’s been the case for me at least. Because until I spent some time reflecting on my own experiences saying goodbye, I hadn’t noticed how much I could learn and apply personally.

Here are three powerful leadership lessons I’ve taken from the many times I’ve said goodbye to my coworkers throughout my career.

The typical farewell event

Farewell events come in many different forms. An event like this may be a big retirement celebration with a room full of people. Or, a dinner with a smaller group. A farewell event might just be an individual conversation with a colleague on their last day with the company.

It could even be your final day before you make a career move to try something new.

Regardless of the situation, in my experience, the person leaving and I rarely talk about the specifics of the projects we’ve worked on together. And, we don’t talk about how much the person contributed to the bottom line each year.

We talk less about work and more about the friends we’ve worked with and how the person leaving has impacted people’s lives.

And, that is the first of three leadership lessons I’ve gained from my many farewell conversations.

Lesson 1 – Invest in people and relationships

When I’m talking to someone who is about to move on to a new phase of their career, we spend nearly all our time recalling the stories of the people we’ve worked with over the years.

And, I try to tell the person who is leaving how much they mean to me. Without tearing up.

We focus on the relationships we’ve built with our coworkers. Our conversations often go deeper than those we had when it was “just another day.” The finality of a person’s last day brings out what is truly most important.

Farewell events bring clarity on what’s important

Each farewell conversation I have reminds me of the importance of investing in people.

These precious few moments of time while we’re still in the same organization cause me to see the value in developing meaningful relationships with the other human beings I have the privilege of interacting with as we do work together.

Perhaps you’re newer in your career than I am. You haven’t consumed as much retirement party cake and punch as I have.

I encourage you to trust me on this and take this advice:

Invest in people and relationships throughout your career.

Prepare for your farewell event now

Get to know your coworkers, not just on a surface level with conversations about work topics. Learn about them as fellow human beings. Share life with them.

When you’re together and have time to chat, talk about your families, your joys and struggles, your spouse, kids, pets, whatever. And, ask them about these type of things too.

As you interact and work together, ask them how they’re doing. Not just with their projects, but ask them how they are doing mentally and emotionally, without prying of course.

If you do this consistently throughout your career, when you see a coworker shaking hands and saying goodbye years from now, those memories will come flooding back to remind you of the connection you have with a colleague who is also a friend.

And, when it’s your turn to move on and you are talking to your teammates on your last day before embarking on a new career opportunity, these moments of shared humanity are what you will cherish.

But, I’ve found this isn’t true for everyone.

There are some people I’ve known and worked with for years but when they are about to become former coworkers, I honestly don’t think much about them.

Situations like this lead me to my second of three leadership lessons from farewells.

Lesson 2 – Live out your values

Not everyone has the same values. We don’t hold the same core beliefs and worldview as every one of our coworkers.

But, if you’re reading this blog, you and I likely take the same approach to living our lives, at work and everywhere we interact with people.

We truly care about people. Helping others be successful is important to us. We strive to be kind and compassionate leaders.

We’re not perfect and we don’t always get it right. But, we keep trying.

If we’re honest, we’ll admit that not everyone is like that.

Not everyone wants to lead with kindness

The “authentic self” some individuals bring to work isn’t an example we seek to emulate. We all have coworkers with very different leadership behaviors than ours. And, we don’t want to be anything like them.

When a farewell event occurs with a coworker who fits that description, I don’t have much to say when the emcee asks if anyone wants to say a few words about the guest of honor.

My grandma’s advice on what to do when you don’t have anything nice to say comes to mind.

Thankfully, many leaders do care for their people even when it’s hard

But, I almost always have a lot to say when the person departing has lived out values I respect and appreciate.

In fact, I could dominate the ceremony by communicating my admiration for a colleague I’ve observed serving sacrificially during their career.

I want them to know I’ve seen them wrestle with how to best care for their teammates while also meeting the challenging demands that go with being in a business.

And, this is one of the most important leadership lessons for you (and me) as a leader striving to lead with kindness and confidence.

Keep doing what you’re doing. Don’t give up when it’s hard to show empathy and compassion.

Focusing only on short term results has serious pitfalls

Don’t succumb to the pressure of “making the numbers” while damaging people and relationships in the process.

I know the temptation to achieve short term results is strong. It’s so much easier to take a shortcut to deliver what is demanded by the company or “The Street” for the month, the quarter, or the fiscal year.

But those shortcuts that look good in the short term can destroy the foundation needed for the success of the organization in the long term.

And, our coworkers see whether we’re taking those shortcuts or putting in the hard work to find solutions that last.

It’s often only when a person is leaving that they learn who was watching and respecting them as they lived out their commitment to take care of the people in the organization while also delivering business results.

That last statement about delivering results is critically important. And, it brings us to the last of the three leadership lessons from saying farewell.

Lesson 3 – Deliver results

The reality of the business world, or any organization, is this.

You have to deliver results.

If you can’t do your job well and execute what you’ve been hired to do, you won’t have the privilege of an enjoyable farewell event.

A farewell event that won’t be a party

Oh, you’ll have a farewell event alright. But, it most likely won’t be the kind that gives others the opportunity to share their thanks and praise with you as you depart.

It will probably be a closed-door discussion with your manager and a representative from Human Resources explaining how you need to move on to “pursue other opportunities.”

That may seem like a harsh scenario at first. But, it’s reality. And, it’s appropriate if you aren’t delivering results.

We’ve all known coworkers who were kind and compassionate. And, they were great people. But, they just couldn’t do their job well.

They couldn’t add enough value to cover what they were costing the organization. So, they needed to leave and go do something different.

These individuals needed to be in a position that was a better fit for their skill set. To thrive and be successful, they needed to find a role that allowed them to provide value and give as much or more than they took from the company.

Deciding to remove a person in a situation like this isn’t mean or heartless. It’s kind. Because it preserves their dignity and honor.

Delivering results allows a leader to impact lives

In contrast, think of the person who is leaving the company after many years of distinguished service. No one wants to see them go even when they know it’s the best thing for their friend and coworker.

That desire isn’t based solely on the person’s character or personality.

It’s also a result of knowing the person gets things done. They deliver results for the organization. And they help others do the same.

The person being honored on their last day caused the business to perform well financially in addition to building a positive and healthy workplace culture.

They earned the position that enabled them to positively impact people’s lives by delivering results.

Their investment in leading well and meeting financial business metrics provided jobs for their teammates. And, those jobs provided income for their coworkers and their families. The incomes created by sustained business performance fueled local economies and strengthened communities.

Delivering results is good for a business and it’s good for the people impacted by the business.

Leading with kindness and confidence requires you to consistently deliver results. (To read more on this concept, check out the post, “Want To Be A Kind And Confident Leader? Deliver Results.“)

And, it’s an absolute necessity if you desire to have a farewell event that gives you the opportunity to interact with people you’ve invested in over a long career.

How do you want your farewell event to go?

I encourage you to pause for a moment and consider how you want your farewell event to go.

The good news is if you’re still working, you can influence what that day will be like.

To impact that future experience, I hope you apply these three leadership lessons I’ve learned. And, many more you collect as you say goodbye to leaders you admire and respect too.

Because someday it will be your turn to say farewell.

So, take action now to make that day rewarding and memorable. Not just for you, but for those teammates you are leading now.

May your work result in an amazing farewell event for you and the many friends and colleagues you’ve influenced throughout your career.

Let’s lead with kindness and confidence.

Greg

About the Author – Learn more about Greg

Click here to download the free guide.

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The post 3 Powerful Leadership Lessons From Saying Farewell appeared first on Greg Harrod.

The answer for me is “Not as often as I would like”.

If that’s the way you feel too, I’d like to help.

In this post, I share some easy things I do regularly to encourage creators who help me through the things they produce.

And here’s the good news, these techniques don’t take much time at all. Yet they can have a powerful positive impact on the people who do creative work you love.

But, is taking time to encourage the creators who give us all sorts of amazing creations really that important?

Here’s a scenario to think about to help you answer that question for yourself.

But first, let me save you some time

If you don’t have time to read this full post, I understand. Your time is precious.

So, I summarized the message of this post in this graphic.

Now, back to that scenario to help us decide if encouraging creators is worth our time.

Here today. Gone tomorrow.

Has this ever happened to you?

You find a new restaurant and you absolutely love the food. The atmosphere is perfect too. This place is incredible.

So you go a few times. And each experience is amazing.

But, you don’t ever get around to giving them a review on social media. And you forget to tell your friends about this place even though it’s one of your favorites.

It’s one of your favorite restaurants, but you don’t really go there anymore. You want to. But you don’t.

Until one day you remember just how awesome this place is. So you go back.

Only to find them closed for business with a sad sign in the window telling the story.

Tragic, right?

Brick and mortar and online creators need our support

This sad story of your favorite restaurant that didn’t make it, could be replaced with a similar tale of your favorite creator.

The entrepreneur and chef who created those delicacies you enjoyed and dreamed of, but rarely bought. They were creators who needed more support from you and others to stay financially healthy.

And, while all creators don’t earn a living through their creative work, they all need support.

We interact with some creators through their physical stores and businesses. Some are on our teams and we work with them face-to-face or virtually every day. Others are people we know only through internet relationships.

This myriad of creators around us makes our lives better.

It is critically important for us to encourage the creators whose work benefits us by showing them our appreciation.

Thankfully, it’s super easy to get started.

Start with a Creator Appreciation Mindset to encourage creators

In the blog post, “How To Build A Creator Appreciation Mindset With 5 Simple Steps“, l outline five simple steps to build a Creator Appreciation Mindset.

If you read the previous section and thought, “I don’t know any ‘creators’. I don’t work with creative types.”, I encourage you to read that post. I’m confident you have countless creators in your life. And many on your current teams.

To summarize my earlier post, here are the five steps to get you started with the right mindset to appreciate and encourage creators.

5 simple steps to build a Creator Appreciation Mindset

Now that we’re equipped with our Creator Appreciation Mindset, let’s put it to use. Let’s make encouraging creators and showing them appreciation a normal part of our regular activities.

How we communicate appreciation

What makes you feel appreciated and encouraged? It’s different for everyone, but I believe this to be true for every creator.

Knowing your work has been seen and made a positive difference in someone’s life is an encouragement.

If you’ve invested time and energy into creating something, especially something you have created to help others, you are encouraged when you know someone has actually seen it. And, you are even more encouraged when you know someone has received benefit from what you’ve made.

That’s a pretty simple concept. And, it’s the foundation for this easy approach to encourage creators.

8 easy ways to encourage online creators

In this post, I’m going to use online creators as the example. However, we can apply these principles to encourage creators in every area of our lives. I’ll leave it to you and your own creativity to find ways to do that.

1. Consume their creation

This is the easiest way to encourage a creator. We consume what they have created.

Listening to a podcast. Reading a blog post. Watching a video. A creator has made these things and we have benefitted from them.

And, this encourages the creator. But, in a very impersonal and general way.

It assumes the creator is paying attention to metrics like downloads, impressions, and all the other statistics that tell online creators that someone, somewhere is consuming their creation.

Of course, it’s the starting point of encouraging a creator. You have to experience the creation before you know if you like it.

And, online creators are encouraged by positive metrics. So, by all means, keep consuming content from creators you appreciate.

But, while consuming does indirectly inform the creator that their work has been seen, it doesn’t communicate to them that they’ve made a positive difference in your life.

So, if you really want to encourage a creator, don’t stop there.

2. React

This next level action to encourage a creator really couldn’t be easier.

All the social media platforms and websites give us the tools to react to a creation we like with the touch of a thumb. Or, an index finger for old guys like me.

We have an ever increasing set of options to express how a creation makes us feel.

These are good. But, I think we would all admit to hitting the “Like” option after only briefly skimming some online content. We don’t really know what the article says, but the person is our friend and we want to support them.

We’ve done it. All creators have done it.

So, everybody knows the level of encouragement a reaction provides. Some, but not much.

Providing a reaction is good, but we can do better.

3. Make a personal comment

We all know how encouraging it is to receive a personal comment from someone about the work we’ve done.

Whether they are spoken or written. On a computer keyboard or with a pen. Personal comments are encouraging.

We can step up our level of encouragement for online (and in person) creators simply by making even a generic comment more personal.

Even the most basic words of encouragement are strengthened with a simple personal touch.

We can take our encouragement from good to better with something as basic as this.

Good

Nice post.

Better

Nice post, Lana. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts.

Adding just a few more words and the creator’s name can make a big difference.

Maybe you actually took time to read the article. Maybe you didn’t. But either way, the creator, Lana in this case, knows you saw her create something. She recognizes you appreciate her courageous act to share her thoughts with others.

I have to expect Lana is encouraged.

Are you starting to see the pattern?

Let’s take it up another notch.

4. Make a personal comment with depth

Continuing with the example of Lana’s post on social media.

Let’s assume you did read her full post. And, what Lana had to say helped you.

How encouraged might Lana be with a comment like this?

Even Better

Nice post, Lana. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts. Your last suggestion on how to support a struggling coworker was especially helpful. I plan to try that with one of my teammates later today. Thank you.

Lana now knows what she’s created may actually help someone, which was the reason she wrote the post in the first place.

In addition to accomplishing her goal of writing, you have now encouraged Lana to continue on to create even more useful content to help even more people.

5. Share the creator’s work

This step doesn’t take much time at all, but it does take a bit of courage.

To encourage an online creator, share their work.

Why does this take courage? Because by sharing, you are to some degree endorsing the creator’s work. You are attaching yourself to the message and communicating your values.

Even by sharing a video you think is funny, you are saying to those in your network that the content created and captured in the video is humorous to you .

Sharing what a creator has made is a powerful technique to encourage a creator.

By doing this you are communicating to them that you appreciate and agree with their creation so much you are willing to personally endorse it.

And, of course, social media platforms give us tools to share the creations of others in seconds.

If you’re following my pattern, and I’m sure you are, you know what I’m going to recommend. Don’t stop with sharing.

Take your encouragement to an even higher level.

6. Share the creator’s work with a personal comment

To boost the encouragement of a creator, add your personal comments describing why you are sharing what you’re sharing. And, tag the creator to ensure they hear the positive things you say about their work.

You can add a lot of input or just a few words. The positive impact to the creator comes because they know you’ve seen their work and have proof (your words) that they have made a positive difference in your life.

And, the impact they have had on you is so great that you want to share it with others.

7. Send a personal message to the creator

As I’ve already described in the previous steps, social media platforms provide powerful tools to enable us to encourage creators.

The internet gives us the ability to communicate directly (or through an assistant) with almost anyone. Including the creators we want to encourage.

Did you read a book you found helpful? You can likely find the author’s website with a way to send them a note there.

No way to contact them through their website?

Then, you can probably send them a direct message on Twitter.

Not on Twitter? Try LinkedIn.

Still no luck finding a way to send the creator a personal note of encouragement?

Leave them a review on Amazon. They will likely read it, especially if it’s positive and they are just getting started. Or a member of their staff will share it with them.

We all know how rare and precious positive comments can be compared to the constant flow of negative feedback.

By taking the time to send a positive note of encouragement to a creator, you will encourage them and give them the support they need to endure the onslaught of negative comments they are likely receiving.

8. Send a detailed personal message to the creator

I’m sure you guessed this one already.

When you send a personal note, make it detailed and meaningful.

The more thoughtful and specific the praise, the more encouraging it will be.

The same is true for critical comments. Creators are often encouraged even by negative feedback if it’s based on sound reasoning. To know someone examined your work enough to develop a contrary view, is an encouragement for serious creators committed to their work.

Get started and do what you can

You may be thinking to yourself that this all sounds great, but it is going to take a lot of time.

But, it doesn’t have to. Some of these techniques take more thought, effort, and time than others. But, they can all have a positive impact on the creators you want to encourage. You can decide how much time you have to invest and choose what works best for you.

The key is to just get started.

Here’s what I suggest.

Put these techniques into practice today – 10 minutes or less

Remember Step 3 of the 5 simple steps to build a Creator Appreciation Mindset earlier. Step 3 is “Record creations as you encounter them”.

If you’ve been doing this and the other four steps, you’ve identified at least a few creations that have impacted your life recently. And, you know the creators of those works.

So why not encourage them?

You’ve already consumed what they’ve created. Let them know that.

Pick just one of the techniques above and try it out. If you only have time to react to a social media post, do that. Are you available and ready to send a personal note of encouragement this afternoon? Go for it.

Limit yourself to investing 10 minutes to encourage a creator today and see what you can do.

My experience

In my experience, it’s easier than you think. And, it might be just as encouraging to you as it is to the creator you are seeking to encourage. Maybe even more.

I’ve been working to improve in this area. I’ve reached out to many creators and continue to do so. I have found the time to be a worthwhile investment. I trust I have encouraged some of the creators I admire. But I know I have been encouraged personally through the process.

I encourage you to give it a try and see if the same is true for you.

Creating and encouraging creators is personal

As I wrap up this post, I’d like you to notice how many times I used the word “personal” in explaining how to encourage creators.

That was intentional because the act of creating is personal.

Creators are sharing part of themselves when they share their work. This takes courage and vulnerability.

And, I’m not just talking about the musician on stage performing for their fans.

When someone shares their thoughts in a social media post or a blog article or even in an email, that person is creating and revealing something about who they are to their audience.

The act of creating and sharing our creations, regardless of the form, is deeply personal whether we realize it or not.

That’s why the most meaningful encouragement for creators is input that is personal. Authentic words from real people who benefit from their work.

By providing feedback that includes our own views and opinions, we are sharing part of ourselves with the other person. We are being vulnerable and courageous and demonstrating a level of trust of the creator we are seeking to encourage.

Creators get that. They understand because we are speaking their language.

We are sharing a common bond of “putting ourselves out there” to help someone else. To positively impact the life of someone else.

In fact, in providing our feedback to creators we are ourselves creating.

We are further demonstrating the reality that creators are all around us. And, in fact, we are revealing that we are creators ourselves. Simply by taking these simple steps to encourage other creators.

So, with this in mind, let’s continue to create and encourage the many creators in our lives.

A final note – Creators are worth investing in

I started this post, by comparing the support of creators with that of local businesses striving to keep their doors open. Whether the creators you want to encourage are in your local communities running businesses to feed themselves and their families or doing the same with their online platforms, they need our support.

If you have the means and opportunity to invest not just your words of encouragement but also your dollars with them, I encourage you to do so.

Most creators don’t do what they do for the money. But, all creators have expenses.

Help them, if you can, continue to do what they do so you and others can keep benefitting from their creations.

Let’s lead with kindness and confidence.

Greg

Discussion Questions

• If you are a creator, what encourages you the most?

• Which techniques will you try to encourage the creators you admire and appreciate?

I’m interested to know how you put this into practice in your life. Please share your experiences in the comments section so we can learn together.

About the Author – Learn more about Greg

Click here to download the free guide.

How to Write a Professional Email: Make a positive impact with every email you send.

The post 8 Easy Ways To Encourage The Creators You Appreciate appeared first on Greg Harrod.

It makes our stomachs turn. Watching one person push another person around to get their way is sickening.

It’s especially difficult when we’re the one being bullied. Even worse though is when we’re (gulp) the bully.

It can happen to anyone

Me? A bully? Yes. Sad, but true.

My last post, What Does It Mean To Be Kind? was based on the children’s book with the same title [affiliate link]. I was struck by a section on bullying and kindness.

In the first image a young child cowers behind the protection of a taller friend as two other children point and taunt their victim. Reconciliation follows as the victim and her protector, seeking peace, confront the bullies. The third picture is an encouraging reminder of the power of forgiveness.

I could see myself in any of the roles, including the bully. Only as an adult. And, not in a book but in real life.

Sadly, I’ve been the one pointing my finger with an angry look on my face. Rarely or ever at work, but far too often at home.

I can bully with the worst of them.

How about you? I’m sure you’ve been bullied, as a child and probably even as an adult.

Maybe you’ve even been the bully a couple of times? It’s okay to admit it. It can happen to anyone.

Remembering that we too have the potential to be a bully is critical to having the proper mindset when dealing with others.

So what do we can we do to kindly and confidently deal with a bully?

I suggest we follow these four strategies.

Strategy 1: Remember you’re dealing with another human being

As hard as it may be to recognize in the moment, the person who is behaving as a bully is a person. Their actions may make them appear more like a monster than a human at that moment, but they are still flesh and blood with a mind and soul. Just like we are even when we’re acting like a bully.

They deserve respect and compassion. Not because they have earned it through their actions but simply because they are a human being. Just like you and just like me.

If we can remember that they too are humans trying to their best, we can approach a bully with more empathy and kindness.

Strategy 2: Consider how they got here

My teenage son and I were discussing a high-ranking government official who regularly bullies those around him. With wisdom far beyond his years, my son said, “I wonder what happened to him to make him behave like that?“

Asking ourselves this question can provide an entirely new perspective on how we view a bully.

In a “60 Minutes” segment on developmental trauma, Oprah Winfrey talked about what she called a “life-changing question” that shifts our perspective.

“See, we go through life and we see kids who are misbehaving. ‘You juvenile delinquents,’ we label them. And really the question that we should be asking is not ‘what’s wrong with that child’ but ‘what happened to that child?’ And then having the resources to be able to address what happened to you. The most important question you can ask of anybody which is what I now say even for the Parkland [school] shooting – instead of what’s the matter with that kid, I say what happened to that child?” 

Oprah Winfrey

Oprah’s description of misbehaving kids applies to misbehaving adults as well.

Adult bullies were at some point kids themselves. And, the odds are high that they were bullied as a child or subject to even more damaging abuse which contributes to their poor behavior now.

Strategy 3: Seek to help them

As difficult as it may be with those who are behaving so poorly, we must seek to help them. This is what leaders do.

Leaders seek the best for those around them.

While seeking the good of someone doing something bad may seem counter-intuitive and completely unattractive at first, consider this.

Serving the bully does not mean we allow them to continue with their poor behavior. Quite the opposite. To allow another person to continue to hurt others is not in their best interest at all.

To serve them we must take action. This is not easy. It will take significant courage. But it must be done if we truly want to help our teammates.

Through action we will not only be serving the one doing the bullying but also their victims.

Strategy 4: Take courageous action

So what does taking action look like to deal with a bully? The answer depends, of course, on your unique situation.

Your relationship to the bully, the setting of the incident you observe, the nature of the act, all these factors must be considered. However, here are some general guidelines to consider.

Confront the bully

When you have an existing relationship with a person, having a conversation with them about their behavior is much easier.

This is one of the reasons we should strive to develop relationships built on mutual trust and respect with all our teammates. With this foundation in place, we can go to the person in private after you have observed their poor behavior and have a courageous conversation with them.

Conversations like this are not easy, but they are highly valuable. The article is We Have to Talk: A Step-By-Step Checklist for Difficult Conversations by Judy Ringer is a helpful guide to follow.

Janet Meeks in her book Gracious Leadership: Lead Like You’ve Never Led Before [affiliate link] also includes tips on confronting a Bully Boss in the chapter “Gracious Leaders are Courageous”.

Through hard conversations with those who are behaving as bullies, it is quite possible you will learn more about them as a person.

They may share more of who they are and what drives their behavior. With this increased understanding, you may appreciate their struggles more and discover ways to help them improve their behavior and your team’s performance as a result.

Talk with someone in authority

In some circumstances, it may not be best, or even possible, to talk directly with the bully. You may need to take action by talking to the person you report to or by contacting the person in a position of authority over the bully.

This is especially true if you do not have a relationship with the person. When done with the correct motives, talking to a person’s supervisor, coach, etc. is not being a “tattle tale”, it is seeking to care for the other person so they can improve.

Report the incident

Depending on the nature and the severity of the bullying behavior, the most appropriate action may be to officially report the incident. This is especially true if the behavior is a violation of your organization’s policies or even a violation of the law.

Most organizations have anonymous hotlines established to support this type of reporting. Reports should trigger a thorough investigation with appropriate actions according to the applicable standards and policies based on the findings.

I know from my own experiences that making a call to a hotline can be scary. I encourage you to be courageous.

Remind yourself that being a bully is not good in any way. It is not good for the bully, the victim, your team, or your organization. Filing an official report of an incident is sometimes a necessary step to bring about what is best for everyone involved.

Conclusion

It’s not easy to deal with someone who is acting like a bully. But, when we realize we too are capable of behaving in the same way, we are more equipped treat them how we would want to be treated.

By applying these four strategies, we can act with kindness and confidence to deal with a bully as we seek their best and the best of the team.

Let’s do something great.

Greg

Discussion Questions

• Have you observed or experienced bullying in your team environments?

• Have you or someone you know confronted a bully? What worked well? What didn’t work like you hoped it would?

About the Author – Learn more about Greg

Click here to download the free guide.

How to Write a Professional Email: Make a positive impact with every email you send.

The post How To Deal With A Bully appeared first on Greg Harrod.

But in the middle of intense assignments and looming deadlines, being kind while getting work done doesn’t always feel easy. In fact, it can be overwhelming.

When you’re under that much pressure, it’s hard to know where to start. And that simple question, “What does it mean to be kind?” doesn’t seem so simple anymore.

I’ve experienced the anxiety and confusion pressure brings. And I didn’t like it. At all.

If you’re feeling that way, or I should say, “when” you feel that way, I want to encourage you.

You know what to do. Take a deep breath and remember your training.

I received my training a long time ago and I bet you did too.

Don’t remember your kindness training? Let me remind you.

Early training sessions

Let’s go back to a simpler time of life. Early elementary school. Maybe even kindergarten. Back when training sessions included adults reading books to you while you sat on a carpet square.

Go back to that period of your life. Sit back. Relax. And let Ms. Kelly read us a story.

(If you prefer puppets and some pretty funny voices and commentary, this is the video for you.)

What Does It Mean to Be Kind – short and powerful

Thank you, Ms. Kelly. Great job!

The book, “What Does It Mean To Be Kind?” written by Rana DiOrio and illustrated by Stephane Jorisch [affiliate link] is short but it is packed with wisdom. It also has simple, practical tips on how to be kind.

The book’s setting is a children’s school, but the concepts can be applied anywhere we interact with other people, including our teams.

If you want to lead teams with kindness and confidence, I encourage you to start applying these principles whenever you have opportunity.

You really don’t need much more training to get started because the concepts are simple and I’m sure you’ve heard them all before.

Leadership training from a children’s book?

Since you’ve heard all this stuff before, I expect that some of you may be tempted to think these ideas are not worth reviewing.

After all, what kind of leader gets their training from a kid’s book?

Well, apparently I do.

You may recall my post Want to be an Expert? Act Like a 5th-grader. Now I’m sharing books written for kindergarteners.

Is this a blog for kids?

Don’t fall for the temptation to think good training needs to be complex or take a lot of time to complete.

The value of any training comes in actually applying what is taught not from the length of the course or the level of sophistication of the material.

This point was reinforced to me as I listened to Janet Smith Meeks’ book Gracious Leadership: Lead Like You’ve Never Led Before [affiliate link].

The wisdom she provides for aspiring leaders might seem like common sense in its simplicity. However, the steps she provides will undoubtedly lead to success when applied consistently. See my blog post Can A Kind Leader Be Successful? for more from this book.

So here’s my question for you (and for me).

As leaders and teammates are we actually applying what we learned about kindness in our elementary school years?

Let’s use the points from the book, “What Does It Mean To Be Kind?” as a quick test and a way to stimulate our thinking on leading with kindness. Before we do that, however, let’s learn a little more about the author.

Being kind according to Rana DiOrio

Rana DiOrio is the author of an award-winning series of picture books that includes What Does It Mean to Be Global?, What Does It Mean to Be Green?, What Does It Mean to Be Present?, and What Does It Mean To Be Safe?. [affiliate links].

This accomplishment in itself is impressive. But, she is also a mom, an entrepreneur, and a force for empowerment and positive change.

I encourage you to explore the inspiring work she is doing through Creative Mint and One. Rana DiOrio is making a difference in the world.

Ms. DiOrio is clearly experienced and actively applying her message of leading and being kind. So, even though I’m an adult and the book is written so a child can understand it, I am taking her words seriously.

I’m taking Ms. DiOrio’s book so seriously in fact that I’m going to break up this post into multiple posts.

I know it’s a simple children’s book which can be read by Ms. Kelly in 3 minutes. But, there are so many powerful lessons here.

I don’t want us to skim over them and miss the opportunity to grow in our ability to lead teams with kindness and confidence.

With that in mind, let’s dig into the first three points of the book and consider how it applies to our unique team environments. We’ll cover more in future posts.

I will provide some brief comments on each point, but I encourage you to pause and think about your own situation.

What I write doesn’t matter nearly as much as what you actually go and do. So ask yourself this question.

How can I apply these fundamental lessons on kindness as I serve as a teammate and as a leader?

Being kind means:

Smiling at a new student in class

When someone you don’t know walks into a meeting or the locker room, how do you greet them?

Do you greet them to help them feel comfortable? Or do you barely acknowledge their presence because you’re not sure what to say.

You really don’t have to say anything if you don’t feel like it. Just smile at them.

A simple smile can calm a newcomer and make them less nervous in their new environment. Even those who are confident meeting new people will be encouraged by a welcoming face.

Giving someone a compliment

Praising a teammate for work they’ve done well is a great way to encourage them and build a positive atmosphere for the entire team.

The praise can be through a simple comment, a short email, or even a hand-written note.

A statement like this can be a major confidence booster for your teammate.

“I appreciate the comment you made during our team meeting. It’s obvious you really care about the issue and have thought about it a lot. Thanks for speaking up.”

It can be the catalyst for them making another positive comment next instead of keeping their good ideas to themselves.

Compliments communicate that you see and hear the other person. Being seen and heard is critically important for all of us.

Holding the door open for someone else

A teammate may not need a door held for them, but someone on our teams can always use a little help in some way. We’ll see those opportunities if we’re looking for them.

The thing slowing them down may not be a closed physical door. You may need to open the door for them to enter into an opportunity or a relationship that will benefit their project or their career.

Offering to help a teammate, especially when you have nothing to gain personally, shows them you care about them. Kind acts like these remind our teammates that they are valued and appreciated.

Apply what you’ve known since elementary school

These are three powerful lessons and we’re just getting started. We’ll continue through the lessons of the book, “What Does It Mean To Be Kind?” by Rana DiOrio [affiliate link] in my next post.

For now, though, consider this.

We’ve all known these things for a long time. And, we all know they are the right things to do whenever we interact with people.

It would be hard to find someone who would disagree with the message of this children’s book. So I encourage you to take these actions with confidence.

Don’t be timid in being kind.

And remember.

If anyone gives you grief for acting with kindness, you can be sure they were told the same things by their families and their teachers when they were young.

I encourage you to gently remind them of their training.

You may even want to share this post with them so they can relive a bit of their childhood and become a little more kind in the process.

Let’s do something great.

Greg

Discussion Questions

• Which of the lessons from What Does It Mean To Be Kind will you apply this week?

• Which lesson is the most challenging for you to implement? How might you get the support you need to overcome this challenge?

I’m interested to know how you’ve been able to apply these lessons on kindness with your teams. Please share your experiences in the comments section so we can learn together.

About the Author – Learn more about Greg

Click here to download the free guide.

How to Write a Professional Email: Make a positive impact with every email you send.

The post What Does It Mean To Be Kind? appeared first on Greg Harrod.

It’s a valid question.

We’ve all heard the phrase, “Nice guys (and gals) finish last.” The list of not-so-nice leaders who’ve made it to the top is endless.

And kindness isn’t typically listed as a required skill in a job description.

So the question stands. “Can a kind leader be successful?“

I can say with confidence the answer is Yes. But, if that’s the case, why does the question enter our minds?

Discouraging voices all around

I suspect, your hesitancy in endorsing kindness as a critical aspect of successful leadership is largely a result of the voices around you.

“You have to be harder on people. “

“You’re too nice.”

“Don’t worry about the soft stuff. Just deliver the results.”

But that’s not who you are.

Yes. You do want to lead well. Exceeding expectations is what you’re all about.

You’re fully committed to bringing people together and guiding them as they accomplish great things together.

But, more importantly, you care about them as individuals. As human beings.

The voices are wrong

The frustrating truth is the strong, pervasive message we often hear is you can’t take care of people and lead them to perform at high levels.

If you believe all people on your team deserve respect and kindness, no person or system should pressure you to sacrifice your values to achieve a goal.

While few would defend their position if confronted, their actions reveal their true belief. A leader can’t be bothered with “soft” things like kindness and compassion if they want to deliver results.

Let me make my position perfectly clear.

Those who believe kindness cannot contribute to success for a leader or an organization are wrong.

I’ve seen this in my own career, but you don’t have to take my word for it.

Let me introduce you to two highly successful leaders who have the same opinion.

Janet Smith Meeks on Gracious Leadership

You may not have heard of Janet Smith Meeks. I only learned about her recently as I was doing research for another project.

In just a few minutes of hearing her communicate her message of Gracious Leadership I became an instant fan.

Mrs. Smith Meeks is a veteran C-Suite leader within the healthcare and financial services industries, fields unfamiliar to me. Her message, however, is universal.

This quote from her article, Why Gracious Leadership Is A Strategic Imperative, on the website Chief Executive reinforced my conviction.

Being gracious and kind is critical for all successful leaders.

Early in my tenure as a hospital president, I encountered resistance from cynics who believed Gracious Leadership was “soft stuff.” Quite frankly, they were wrong! Through practicing the grace and tough love that are integral to Gracious Leadership, we transformed a struggling, community hospital into an award-winning, high performance regional medical center ranked within the top 5% of hospitals nationally. We had highly engaged employees, physicians who happily collaborated to achieve excellence, very satisfied patients, outstanding quality and great financial results. Gracious Leadership is not soft stuff. Indeed, it’s strategic!

Janet Smith Meeks – Why Gracious Leadership Is A Strategic Imperative

If you are also getting resistance from cynics, I encourage you to lean on the experience and wisdom of a Mrs. Smith Meeks. Remember the measurable results she delivered. She transformed an entire hospital. She served people as a gracious, kind leader and she delivered incredible results.

I encourage you to read her book Gracious Leadership: Lead Like You’ve Never Led Before [affiliate link] and subscribe to her blog.

Her personal story is fascinating. You can hear her tell it in detail as a guest on the Rx for Success Podcast too.

One last resource from Janet Smith Meeks is this one-hour presentation in the Ross Leadership Institute Series at Otterbein University. It is packed with practical teaching based on decades of experience.

Grab a notebook and boost your leadership skills with this video.

This quote from the video reminded me of another wise leader I admire.

Being clear is one of the kindest things that we can do.

Janet Smith Meeks

Brene’ Brown delivers a similar message to answer Yes to the question, “Can a kind leader be successful?”.

Kindness according to Brene’ Brown

I probably don’t have to introduce you to Brene’ Brown.

You are likely already familiar with her outstanding work in the areas of courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy. If not, I encourage you to visit her website. She has many valuable resources you can access there.

One of my favorites is her book, Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts. [affiliate link].

In the section titled “The Call to Courage”, Dr. Brown describes a situation at her company.

She tells how her team confronted her with hard-to-hear truth.

Her behavior and expectations were creating chaos for the team and burning people out. That uncomfortable encounter was governed by a phrase her team agreed to apply in all their conversations:

Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.

Brene’ Brown

This simple phrase she first heard in a 12-step meeting was an integral part of how her business operates. She and her team lived by it.

If you are tempted to believe that kindness is the soft, easy part of being on a team, read Dr. Brown’s description of her discussion with her team and her response.

I bet you can’t read this example of being clear and kind without squirming in your seat.

Clarity brings accountability

Janet Smith Meeks and Brene’ Brown both highlight how clarity is critical to maintaining accountability and meeting high expectations as a team.

True clarity comes only through hard, vulnerable conversations anchored in kindness.

Kind leaders are successful leaders

True kindness is not always what it seems to be at first. It’s not easy and it can be very uncomfortable.

Being kind is something successful leaders do well. Even when it’s hard.

When the voices around you scream that you can’t be kind and successful as a leader, don’t listen to them. They probably don’t understand what true kindness really is and the mental toughness it requires. Help them learn, but don’t let them discourage you.

Listen to the wisdom of two successful leaders who have lived out kindness in their highly successful careers. Let their encouragement and experience give you confidence in the truth.

Kind leaders can be successful.

Let’s do something great.

Greg

Discussion Questions

• Who can you share this message with to help them better understand what true kindness is?

• Who are examples in your life of kind and successful leaders?

I’m interested to know how you integrate this message into your daily life. Please share your experiences in the comments section so we can learn together.

About the Author – Learn more about Greg

Click here to download the free guide.

How to Write a Professional Email: Make a positive impact with every email you send.

The post Can A Kind Leader Be Successful? appeared first on Greg Harrod.